the entire world vibrating around me and i couldn't feel a thing.

Feelings are jkashfuhasdpiupf98w84029384~oe;fae

Feelings for me are never easy, as dumb as that sounds.

 I know I feel a lot of them and I know I feel a lot of them at once, 

but I never know what they mean or what I'm supposed to do with them. 

Or why I feel them. But the weird thing is, I can identify what other people are feeling before they can and help them.

 Explain that.

I have this distinct memory that I go back to very often in my brain. The memory happened on June 1st, 2007. It was a Friday and it was the day I graduated high school. After graduation, there is a party at the school called "Senior Breakout." that starts at 10pm. I remember in the downtime after the graduation ceremony and before Senior Breakout, I was laying on the floor in my bedroom at my parent's house while "Float On" by Modest Mouse played on my iPod (pretty sure it was on shuffle). I lay there listening to the song while I heard Shandey (sister) in her old room with her fiance (now husband) talking about their wedding. I remember just laying on my floor, staring at the ceiling, listening to the song and just thinking, "shouldn't this moment be feeling different? this doesn't feel right. This isn't how I thought this would feel" mostly because... I remember not feeling... anything really. I had just accomplished the biggest thing of my life at that point, my sister was engaged, I had my whole grown-up life in front of me, the supposedly most fun party ever waiting for me at 10pm, --- but I lay there feeling nothing. The entire world vibrating around me and I couldn't feel a thing. I did't feel excited, accomplished, anticipation, relief, happiness, determination, etc. It was very silent inside me at that moment.

Maybe it's because I somehow knew my entire world was going to change and not be what I expected at all.

Life is weird and the concept of time is confusing.

The things your mind and memory grab can be confusing but I think it's important. It will all make sense one day. When this memory happened, it seemed so insignificant and every-day feeling, but it marked a turning point in  my life that I didn't know til now.

some things never change; like
that feeling you get when you
haven't seen someone for sometime
now. that feeling of two people
starting right where they left
off. and then, somethings do
change like two people growing apart
further apart, but also remembering
the little things, the little
similarities that string them
back together, as if nothing ever
happened or as if nothing ever
drifted them apart.

r.m. drake

there are very few feelings........... part 1

That are better than the following:

1. When the lights go down at a concert right before the band goes on stage. This ALWAYS gives me chills and I can never contain myself. Lots of  tiny jumping (basically bouncing my knees) and clapping. It's kind of an unreal experience. People you are continuously listening to and that have changed your life are suddenly just right in front of you. They are real people. Everyone takes something different from a live show, and I feel lucky that I feel more during (and after) a live show than just the sound of the concert.

2. Getting your regrowth filled in. I'm naturally dirty blonde and since I get my hair dyed with the lightest blonde, my natural blonde looks very dark in contrast. So, the second my hair starts growing, it looks like I have a huge black part and it makes me cringe. I love watching my hair lady put on the blonde color over the regrowth and coming out with all blonde hair again. Ahhhh.

3. Remembering you have leftover food from take-out the night before when you are driving home and you are freaking starving and sad because you think you have nothing to eat. Self explanatory.

4. When a 12-pack of Mountain Dew is only $4 at Target.

5. Checking your bank account and there is more money in there than you were anticipating. So let's celebrate by spending it! Jk.