scared.

Whenever I am going through a bad time in my life or just a bad day, it seems like it will never end. I get the feeling that I'm doomed for it to be that way forever. When this happens I always forget to remind myself that everything eventually passes and everything works out somehow.

I'm not proud or happy with how I've dealt with my problems this last year... mostly meaning the breakup with me and Steve. (ugh, I still hate typing that out). I completely allowed myself to fall apart and let time freeze. I know when something that traumatic happens, you should let yourself fall apart (at some level) so you can experience the pain, accept it and move on. But I pretty much just would fall apart and not want to get on with my life.

Don't get me wrong, I have been going on lots of dates and have even "liked" guys since then and still living my life. But some days the teeniest tiniest thing would happen, mostly me finding an old movie stub or picture, and I would fall apart. I'm really mad at myself for being that weak.

I'm not scared to move on from the chapter in my life where Steve and I were a couple... the thing that makes it seem impossible is our history and the memories. It's scary not knowing what is going to happen but maybe that is something that I should be excited about.

I need to change my mentality from here on out. From now on I won't allow myself to get lost in our past and "what ifs." I need to only look forward and only worry about the things that I have complete control over.

i forgot to tell you something.

Remember when I was locked out yesterday? Well when I was trying to entertain myself I tried making the sound a cell phone makes when it's on vibrate and sitting on a hard surface, like a dresser or something.

I completly perfected it.

I can now add that to my long list of worthless talents.

good thing we have tons of spare keys around......not.

I got locked out today. It was the most boring hour and half I ever sat through. 

I didn't have anything with me.... not even my phone or a book. 

So I had nothing to do but sit on the front lawn and wait. 

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

 

I will be honest, I was pissed at first. I hate when something so avoidable (like getting locked out) happens because you really have nothing to blame it on besides the fact that someone was stupid for one second.

But sitting on the grass with nothing to do but just sit and look around at the things around you was actually nice. I haven't done that since I was probably in high school so it was great.

Two different guys walked up to me and asked what the freak I was doing...

(as if a girl sitting on the front lawn is strange?)

I explained my situation and one said "you look like a little girl waiting for the ice cream truck."

and i said, "was that a fat joke?" (as a joke)

He hesitated to laugh because he thought I was serious but I clearly wasn't. 

Am I ever?

monday nothingness.

Fact:
I haven't seen the movie The Sixth Sense in like 10 years. But for some reason last night when I was trying to fall asleep, the only thing I could think about is all the scary scenes from that movie. My brain sucks sometimes. As in always.

Update:
I'm supposed to be getting my car back today and I am EXCITED. I have been missing my car and have big plans to clean it. Like, CLEAN clean it. I'm excited.... like i've already mentioned. I have a feeling that when I'm done cleaning my car i'll be in one of those moods where I'll want to clean the whole world.

Grateful for:
My dad for helping me out with my car finances. Very grateful indeed. I'm also grateful for my mom just because.

Another fact:
How hot has this summer been? The answer to that is too damn hot. Ugh.

Thought:
I can't beleive July 2012 is almost over. Sometimes I still think it's 2011. Whhaaaa.

Useless info:
So when I was at the Reel Big Fish concert on Saturday, they mentioned they have been around since 1991. In my head I thought, whoa, that's like ten years.... but then I ACTUALLY thought about it and realized that is TWENTY years. 1991 (or the 90's in general) seems like it was just a few years ago but it sure wasn't. Anyway, I was trippin. I always think of 2005 or 2002 and think those years are still fresh and new, but they aren't. And now I'm old. 

saturday.

Sleeping in.

Running errands.

Sprague Library.

Work. (kind of)

Red Robin for lunch.

Driving around listening to Reel Big Fish.

Watch some Youtube Videos.

Nap.

Stand in line for Reel Big Fish concert.

Reel Big Fish concert.

Dees.

F'Real milkshake.

free lunch!

I am sitting at work right now picking at a lunch that was free. The only sad thing about a free lunch is when it's the ONE kind of food you don't like. Mexican. We got free lunch today and out of all the food out there, it had to be Mexican food. But i'll live.

People don't understand the "madness" that is me not liking Mexican food, but it's mostly cause I hate beans and beans happen to be the main thing in all Mexican food.

BUT

I have become pro at picking out something I like when I have no choice but to eat Mexican food. I just look for the cheese quesadillas or cheese enchiladas and I am safe. So that's what I got. And now I have the hiccups.

This is what it looked like.

Meh.

On a completely unrelated, irrelevant note.... I have this chapstick that I use called BabyLips. (by Maybelline) and I am obsessed. But that's not why I'm telling you this. The BabyLips I get is the light blue tube with the light pink writing. Anyway. That stuff smells and tastes like Fruity Pebbles. And every day when I get to work I go through the same cycle...

1. Put on BabyLips.

2. "Mmm. This tastes like Fruity Pebbles!!"

 

3. I should get some Fruity Pebbles tonight after work.

4. Go home.

5. Don't get Fruity Pebbles.

Next day...

1. Put on BabyLips

.... Well you get it. 

me and the cat that was sitting by my apartment.

I always knew that talking to a cat in public couldn't end well.... and yesterday I proved this point to be true.

So there I was. Walking to the front door of our building from the back ally. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something sitting and I thought it was a bag or something but it was a cat.

I'm not a cat person (but it depends) but this cat was adorable. It looked like it could be funny too. It was light gray with dark gray stripes and bright green eyes. So I stopped and said in the voices that people talk to animals in, "Hi kitty cat. What are you doing?" and the cat just looked back at me like it was interested. So I said, "Where did you come from kitty cat? Just wanting to sit under some shade?"

[ oh my gosh, this story is making me sound insane ]

The cat just kept staring back at me. So I felt like I should keep saying stuff to it. So I said "You are cute lil kitty cat! ..." just as I was going to finish the sentence, it did a very peculiar blink that looked like it was above the conversation we were having and it looked away as if to say "okay, you are boring me. NEXT."

That's when I said, "Oh, i'm sorry cat, am I boring you?" in a really sassy, Jerry Springer type tone. Just then, I noticed some people were standing not too far away from me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, yeah. I'm THAT girl now. The girl that was talking to a cat.

cars. ugggggghh. cars.

Remember how I said there is nothing worse than car trouble?

Well, all it takes is some even worse news on my car to make me have a breakdown about my entire life.

Ugh.

did you know....

I have almost had this blog for three years. THREE YEARS. This is a girl who never finishes anything she starts........ (i know, it's a terrible flaw I have). I honestly didn't think I would still be blogging. But I am so who cares. Also... do you like how I haven't blogged in like a month and now I'm blogging non stop? Hee hee.

I've made many lists in the life of this blog... but I have also changed since this blog was born. So why not do some more lists to see how I have and have not changed, shall we? Okay.

FACTS:
1. My life is full of lists. To-do lists. To-don't lists. Grocery lists. Lists I haven't made yet. Goal lists. Random thought lists. Things that bug me lists. Weird word lists. I've typed list so much it doesn't sound like a real word anymore. List.
2. I bite the inside of my lips a lot. Especially when I'm deep in thought.
3. Breakfast food > dinner food.  -- Don't get me wrong, I love a good steak and a pile of buffalo wings. But breakfast food is just awesome.
4. I'm still afraid of the dark and some nights, yes, I do have to sleep with the hall light on.
5. I would rather spend a day in the mountains over a day at the beach.
6. I hate the beach. But i've only been to a few in California. So maybe I need to visit some exotic ones first.
7. I prefer gloom, overcast, and rain over sunshine and blue skies.
8. I am a fan of the oxford comma.
9. My wants and needs confuse me all the time.
10. I am a hermit.
11. Sometimes when I'm alone I want to be with a big group... but when I get with said group, I want to go back home. I am cray.
12. My #1 celebrity crush is Edward Norton.
13. I hate using the term celebrity crush.
14. That's all for now. Until I'm away from my computer and I remember something I should've put on here. Always happens.

girl in a hat.

Once upon a time I bought a fedora hat from Smith's Marketplace for 5 bucks. 

Because I am ghetto like that and don't care where my clothes/accessories come from. 

Well, I do at some level... but we can say that I'm not picky. 

(I don't know who is included when I said "we" just now in that previous statement.)

Only when picky when it comes to food. 

Speaking of food, I accidentally ate a spicy pickle last weekend.............. best accident I have ever made. 

It was delish. And now I want a whole jar of spicy pickles. 

Seriously. I am obsessed with spicy food and pickles so you can imagine my obsession right now.

photo by me (duh)

instagram: kaleena_

nothing worse than car trouble.

On Friday, my car quit working. It was also Friday the 13th. Usually I'm not superstitious, but...............

So my car is the repair shop now, will be ready tomorrow. I hate the feeling of not having a car. The feeling of having to rely on someone else to give you a ride. Ugh.

When my car breaks down... so much more happens then just a bunch of swear words when it won't start.

-I lose my reliable transportation.
-I lose a lot of money going towards fixing it.
-I lose the privilege of driving around in the rain for fun... which is now. It's raining now.

Can I please express my excitement for fall and winter coming up. I really don't enjoy the summer..... like, at all. Everything from the weather to the clothing. I mean, as much as humid head and exotic bugs finding their way in your house is enjoyable, I can't wait for the freezing cold weather. And after all, winter is the official season for hermits. So it's only natural I'm excited for the fall and winter.