the entire world vibrating around me and i couldn't feel a thing.

Feelings are jkashfuhasdpiupf98w84029384~oe;fae

Feelings for me are never easy, as dumb as that sounds.

 I know I feel a lot of them and I know I feel a lot of them at once, 

but I never know what they mean or what I'm supposed to do with them. 

Or why I feel them. But the weird thing is, I can identify what other people are feeling before they can and help them.

 Explain that.

I have this distinct memory that I go back to very often in my brain. The memory happened on June 1st, 2007. It was a Friday and it was the day I graduated high school. After graduation, there is a party at the school called "Senior Breakout." that starts at 10pm. I remember in the downtime after the graduation ceremony and before Senior Breakout, I was laying on the floor in my bedroom at my parent's house while "Float On" by Modest Mouse played on my iPod (pretty sure it was on shuffle). I lay there listening to the song while I heard Shandey (sister) in her old room with her fiance (now husband) talking about their wedding. I remember just laying on my floor, staring at the ceiling, listening to the song and just thinking, "shouldn't this moment be feeling different? this doesn't feel right. This isn't how I thought this would feel" mostly because... I remember not feeling... anything really. I had just accomplished the biggest thing of my life at that point, my sister was engaged, I had my whole grown-up life in front of me, the supposedly most fun party ever waiting for me at 10pm, --- but I lay there feeling nothing. The entire world vibrating around me and I couldn't feel a thing. I did't feel excited, accomplished, anticipation, relief, happiness, determination, etc. It was very silent inside me at that moment.

Maybe it's because I somehow knew my entire world was going to change and not be what I expected at all.

Life is weird and the concept of time is confusing.

The things your mind and memory grab can be confusing but I think it's important. It will all make sense one day. When this memory happened, it seemed so insignificant and every-day feeling, but it marked a turning point in  my life that I didn't know til now.

this is my life.

And I claim I'm not excited with my life any more
So I blame this town, this job, these friends
The truth is it's myself
And I'm trying to understand myself
And pinpoint where I am
By the time I get things figured out
I've change the whole damn plan
Oh noose tied myself in, tied myself too tight
Talking shit about a pretty sunset
Blanketing opinions that I'll probably regret soon
I've changed my mind so much I can't even trust it
My mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself.

two of my favorite pictures i took last night.

This one is me playing with the different settings on my Canon. While waiting in the snaking line to get into the free concert.

Look, it's Isaac Brock. From Modest Mouse.

you'll tell me what you saw and i'll tell you what you missed

Salt Lake does this thing called the Twilight Concert Series. No, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the Twilight Saga. What it is: they have awesome bands come to town and play a concert for.... free. FREE.

Tonight was Modest Mouse. I have so much love for Modest Mouse, I can't even explain my reason why. Gates opened at 5, we got in at 5:30 and we saw Modest Mouse around 9 (they had an opener). It was everything you would expect for it being a free concert. Sweaty people. The wind blowing B.O. in your face. Drunk People. Smokers. People running into you. I even shoved a girl for a VERY reasonable purpose. I honestly thought I was going to fight. Haha..

Doesn't he look comfy? I mean, we all get a little tired waiting for the band to come out.

My favorite song of Modest Mouse (one of the thousands, do they even have a thousand? hmm. i dunno) is Ocean Breathes Salty:

Your body may be gone, I'm gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Don't think so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. (You get away from me) You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. (I had to think awhile) I had to think awhile.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky. (You missed, you missed)
You missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye. (You missed)
When the earth folded in on itself. (You missed)
And said "Good luck, for your sake I hope heaven and hell (You missed, you missed)
are really there, but I wouldn't hold my breath." (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death? (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind.
Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind?

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. (You get away from me) You get away from me.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky. (You missed, you missed)
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?

Thank You and hello to my newest followers. I hope you enjoy your stay here.