how to be human for dummies.

I went to the good ol' Salt Lake City Library last night. Mainly because I found out that if you move and they find out they don't have your updated address they just expire your card. Seems dumb to me. So I went with my proof of new address and now I am happy with a valid library card once more. The end. Oh wait, no, there is more.

Before I left I asked Lou, my bunny, if he wanted anything from the library. He didn't respond. So I said, "do you want me to get you 'How To Be A Human For Dummies'"? ... still no answer... So then I said, "how about, 'How To Speak English or Make Any Sounds At All?"

Long story short, he's spending his day today reading.

PS - If they really have a book on how to be a human for dummies, that's a book I would need to read.

the burn says it's working.

This is just me. 

Don't get scared... 

like I did when I put this mint face mask on at 1:00AM. 

But when you live alone and it's late 

at night and you wear this mask

your imagination will really activate. 

Since this was a mint mask

it burned a little.

But that just means you are becoming pretty.

blood and nail polish = my monday.

There is a giant bandage/band aid on my right index finger right now --- making it SUPER hard to deliver this post to you. Can you tell how much I love you?

When I got home from work, I was getting some things out of the trunk of my car. Somewhere between the harmless picking up the tshirt up out of my trunk, my index finger was sliced open. (#lifeofkaleena) I didn't even know until I was walking into my apartment and saw blood droplets.

I go inside, walk into my bathroom, In shock that my tiny pointer finger is producing this much blood to gush everywhere. I reach for the box of band aids and accidentally knock over a bottle of nail polish.

*envision a purple nail polish falling from the top shelf to the hard tiled bathroom floor in slow motion as everything is silent*

And just like that, purple nail polish covers the bathroom floor, the bottom of the toilet, some splatters on the rug, and some splatters on the tub. Meanwhile, what the nail polish failed to cover - my finger is covering it in blood. This all happened... 2 minutes apart?

And that's the story how I lost my right hand.

Jk. My right hand is still here, it just took a while for me to bandage it since I had a nail polish shenanigan.

DISCLAIMER: my phone photo quality is CRAP. 

things you will never hear me say PART 1 (of a million probably)

This post is brought to you by me, KALEENA! And it's things you will never hear me say.

Here
we
go.

1. Meh, hygiene isn't a big deal at all.
2. I don't really care about a sense of humor.
3. I wanna go meet a bunch of new people and break the ice with small talk!!
4. I know exactly what I'm doing.
5. I prefer people to always ask me if I'm okay if I'm sitting quiet.
6. That's awesome you can't remember the last book you read.
7. I'll only go if there will be loud people there.
8. I'm never scared in the dark.
9. I can't wait to be a mom!
10. I would love to help you move.
11. Sleeping isn't that important to me.

my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear in my mouth...

If you know me or have ever known me, you know I'm not the same Kaleena I once was. Yeah, I still love music and going on long drives (especially on Sundays) and hate odd numbers. That stuff is the same. But apart from that, I'm not the same Kaleena I used to be.  I had my heart broken and my entire world as I knew it turned upside down a couple years ago. Reasons for me not being the same could be anything really... like just growing up, making new or losing old friends, getting my ass kicked by life. But if i'm being honest with you, I think it was having my heart broken into little tiny fragile pieces. A quote comes to mind...

In all our lives, there is a fall from innocence. A time after which, we are never the same

I think that sums it up. 

All of that is in the past. I'm still learning to let go even though I'm starting to believe that you never really let go or get over it, I'll just eventually learn to live with it in my own unique Kaleena way. What I need now is a place where I feel like I belong. To exist. Fit.  

The older I get, the more pressure I feel to have a "plan" or serious goals and to know exactly what I'm doing. And the truth is, I don't know. I don't know what is best for me... I don't know what I will want in a year... I don't know if anybody does. Where are you supposed to go when your goals are vague like mine? To feel true happiness. To feel like I'm wanted. To feel like I'm doing the right thing. To feel like i'm experience a life that isn't routine and stale. To feel like I have a purpose.

When I close my eyes, I can feel some peace and clarity. I'm 25 years old, almost 26 in June and so far, I have felt some intense, special, amazing feelings and experiences that has given me the most valuable memories that will last my entire lifetime. 

Like feeling love:

Feeling love and loss:

Unforgettable friendship:

New friendships:

I don't think being confused, lost, scared, or feeling like a failure should be associated with bad.  That's apart of growing up. I think you need to feel those things and go through those things in order to grow as a person and learn about yourself. The best I can do is take steps towards what feels right for me and let everything fall into place. Because right now I feel like I have no direction and I feel lost and confused. 

real life childhood story #99

One time, I had to have been about 10, I lost a baby tooth. 

Instead of running around with excitement showing everyone and losing my mind, I just sat quiet. 

I wanted to know if the Tooth Fairy was real, so I didn't tell my mom I lost a tooth. 

She was tucking me in and saw my tooth on the table by my bed and said,

"Honey, you have to tell me when you lose a tooth! You can't just leave it there!" 

Boom. Instantly found out the Tooth Fairy was as fake as my enthusiasm for life. 

Stay tuned for more childhood stories, featuring me, Kaleena.