"What is for ye
will not pass
ye by."

some of my favorite things that will always be my favorite things.

1. When people don't spoil a book (or series) when they know I'm about to read it.

2. Stuffed crust pizza.

3. Pickles.

4. My bunny.

 

5. Dying my hair. Makes me feel new and stuff.

6. The movie, Hocus Pocus. 

7. When animals stand on other animals.

8. Showers.

9. Sleeping.

10. Movie previews. Sometimes I enjoy the previews more than the movie.

baking is fun when you don't suck at it.

My sister has an easy recipe for those pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. It only has three ingredients which is just wonderful news for people like me who struggle and have zero skills in the kitchen.

[The three ingredients are a box of spice cake mix, medium can of pumpkin, and chocolate chips. Pour in bowl. Mix. Cook for 12-14 minutes. Boom. You got some cookies.]

My sister said I had to get the medium can of pumpkin. When I got to the store I could only find a small-ish looking one and a huge one. She didn't answer when I called to get to the bottom of the confusion so I asked the nice old lady who was also shopping in the baking aisle. She was so nice and sweet and helpful. She gave me some baking tips (that I already forgot haha) but anyway, I like when people are that nice and helpful to strangers.

And then I came home, make the cookie dough, ate half of it, and baked the rest.

Just now, I stretched my hands out and looked at them while I thought of what else I was gonna say on here and my pinky on my right hand is shaking and quivering at a rate where I should probably be concerned. To WebMD I go....

my bunny.

My bunny is a silly bunny indeed.

He likes to supervise everything in the apartment. 

He can be a pain and a lot to handle,

but I am still so happy to have him as my own.

Right now,

his favorite snack is dill.

His favorite vegetables are celery and spinach.

And he gets really hyper after he has a little bit of pellets. 

Yesterday, I let him out to have his daily hop around and after two hours, he would NOT get back in his cage. So I finally surrendered and laid on my belly and let him do his thing til he decided to back in. 

[because you can't make bunnies do anything they don't want to do]

All of a sudden, I felt him hop on my back and he sat there for a while.

Then he hopped down, got right in my face, booped my forehead twice (as if to say thank you and i love you) and then hopped into his cage.

Bunnies rule.

remember to always be yourself. unless you suck.

I really like individuality.
I like to see how different people choose to express themselves.
This is why I love to people watch.
You get to see so many people who are so alike as humans but who are all different as individuals.


I've always said that I don't want to marry my "soul mate"
Because I don't want to spend my life with someone who is exactly like me.
That would boring as fuh.
I want someone who is like me enough to where we get along but different so it's still always interesting and exciting.

With the Presidential debates and voting going on, it can be frustrating and ANNOYING to see all the different opinions being spit around.  Especially when some come off as ignorant and offensive. As frustrating as it is, I really enjoy it. I love to see the way people care about these issues, even though they are different than my own.

I am a Moderate... but I do find myself agreeing more with the Democrats. That doesn't mean I don't find some of the Conservative points appealing. I keep an open mind to everything. So that's why I love having friends who don't agree with everything I like or enjoy, it keeps things fun.

So I love all my friends who are democrat, republican, sport fans, not sport fans, boys, girls, hipsters, idiots, religious, not religious. You get the picture. Having such a variety of opinions in your life can also introduce you to ideas and thoughts you never would have if you were only surrounded my people who were just like you.

And that's why I like to always express myself in my own way. I need to be my own individual to keep things interesting for everyone else around me.

 

always have luck when luck isn't that needed.

Last night I dyed Shandey's hair. And I really wish dying my own hair was as easy as dying someone elses hair. When I was little, I always wished I could take my head, do my own hair, and then put it back on. I still wish this.  It's so much easier when you have access to all sides of your head and not having to look in the mirror.

Anyway.

After I was done doing her hair, my niece rode with me to the gas station to get some gas. While it was filling up, I was giving her a once in a lifetime game of peek-a-boo. Lots of jumping and crawling around the car just to suprise her with the peek-a-boo. She loved it. As we were driving home, I couldn't find my phone.

Oh well... I always lose my phone...

OH NO! I left it on the roof  of the car last!!

When we finally stop at Shandey's, I get out to see my phone is just safely sitting on top of my car.

How lucky is that?

this is confusing and also a bit of a confession.

So I guess my new idol is Kat Von D.

Haha WTF?

I dunno.

I think it's because I have always wanted to be able to pull off a sleeve tattoo or just all over tattoos in general. And I always kind of liked makeup like that... but again, I could never pull that off. I think it's because I've always wanted to have a hardcore/edgy persona. Is this just a weird phase I'm going through or do I really want to be this kind of girl now? Hmm.. I guess we'll see how I look in like a month. Spoiler alert: It will probably be the same as I am right now.

Anyway, look how pretty she is.

this will be long and honest. probably.

I feel like I need to be more honest and clear on here. I haven't in a long time... and I think it's because I've been running away from some things and some feelings. I eventually will have to stop running, and when I do, they will be there.

Some days, I am not okay. Most days I am. But some days I'm really not.

I have a tendancy to overthink everything that happens to me and everything that is going on. And I don't know when it got this out of control. I overthink things that haven't even happened to me, like the things I worry about or what I am scared of happening. I can't make it stop. My brain is never quiet and I need it to be quiet sometimes.

So here is what is going on.

Steve and I broke up back in June 2011. Since then, we have maintained a very close, functioning friendship/relationship. It was not easy at first and when I look back now I really am disappointed in the way I dealt with heartbreak and how weak I came off as. Even though Steve and I are still close and important in each other's lives, I regret not moving out on the worst day. Why didn't I? I can't remember why I didn't. Everyone was telling me to and I didn't. But he was my home and I wasn't ready to leave my home. I wasn't ready. He was such a happy part of my life and if I left, all the happy would be gone. This feeling of regret sucks. Since Steve and I still got along really well I was convinced and determined to make things work. It was exhausting. It was all I could think about. I couldn't eat, sleep, or do anything that wouldn't remind me of how hurt I was and how I wanted things back to the way they were. We would talk about everything and it would always end unresolved. Now, I have accepted that whatever happens will happen and we don't know the future so we just need to step back and live. I will always love Steve and I know he will always love me. We have come a long way and I feel grateful that we can still be the way we are. I knew life without Steve and with Steve, and I know the life I lived with Steve was much better and that's what I still struggle with. What if I never find that again? What if it's never as good? What if I'm always feeling a pull to somewhere that I don't even know?

That brings me to my next thought.

Some days, I don't know if it's having Steve as my boyfriend I miss or just having that type of relationship that I miss. Deep down I know which one it is. I've gotten to the point where I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'm constantly looking for it. I feel a deep restlessness to find it but I have no idea what it is.

I never have a feeling of "this is where I'm supposed to be". Even when I was younger, I would have fun with my friends and could have fun with a group, but I never felt like it was where I belonged. This is kind of harder to explain, because I love my friends and enjoy(ed) being with them, but I never felt settled.

I'm just slow with everthing I do. I'm a slow mover. Before I do anything, it's a slow process. I've moved on but very slowly. It took forever before I could date and when I went on the first date, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It was a whole new universe and nothing felt right. But when I got home, I was proud that I went when I really wanted to stay home.

I'm really afraid of the unknown and I'm even more afraid that someday I might have to live with that the best of my life has already happened. Until then, I guess I can just take it one day at a time, don't worry about things I can't control, and stay positive.

So anyway, there's that.

DISORDER.

Well, I have it.

I knew it.

surprise, surprise.

Well I am certainly NOT surprised right now.

Lately, especially at work, I cannot... CANNOT focus or stay concentrated.

I sit down and I have to stand back up. I walk to the break room and walk back to my desk. I sit down and I look for something to do. Hop onto the internet. Get bored. Start looking for something to pick at. Pick my split ends. Get bored. Get up to walk again.

I have to constantly be moving or I feel a deep restlessness.

Does this sound exhausting? It's awful. It's exhausting.

I thought it was because I was bored at work. But these last few months, I've been noticing I'm like this at home. I can't sit still and I can't ever finish a thought, daydream, etc. When I actually thought about it, I concluded that no matter what I'm doing or thinking about, I get bored easy, can't focus, and feel restless.

In conclusion, I am going to the doctors to get tested for ADHD.

the boy who blocked his own shot.

I really love Brand New.

Especially this song.

Ugh.

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand

Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am

And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again

You can tell me how vile I already know that I am

I'll grow old, start acting my age

It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate

A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone

And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state

You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way

And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down

Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out

It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room

When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds

So call it quits, or get a grip

You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

So you can forget, you can forget

You are calm and reposed

Let your beauty unfold

Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones

Spring keeps you ever close

You are second-hand smoke

You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins

Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

 

 

I mean, I love Brand New for obvious reasons. I like my music to have depth and meaning. Jesse Lacey is very great at both. He is a lyrical genius and most of his songs have deeper meaning than what the lyrics say. I LOVE YOU.

this week.....

This week..... I will work my bum off at work.

This week..... I will go back to the gym. I think my two month break needs to end.

This week..... I will wake up at 7AM.

This week..... I will be positive.

This week..... I will remember not to worry about things I can't control.

This week..... I will start to put my Halloween costume together.

This week...... I will continue to love my lil lover bum bunny.

typing is my favorite way to let my nails dry.

I don't know why but I always blog after I paint my nails. Probably because typing helps them dry and if I try doing anything else (VERY CAREFULLY) I will always smudge my newly painted nails. I suck.

SO GUESS WHAT!

Let it be known......

That this weekend........

I learned how to drive a stick shift! Yup. I can now officially drive a stick shift. I kind of knew how before, but now I have it down and am pro. Steve taught me and was a swell teacher. But if you ask him about the experience, he will tell you that I killed the engine four times in a row in the MIDDLE of an intersection. I almost went in panic mode, but he told me to stay calm.

Lou and I are starting to be buds. When I let him out for his daily play hour(s), he is starting to follow me around and boop me. Getting booped by a bunny is just an experience you can't beat. If only I was lucky enough to have caught it on camera. Here are some of my favorite internet boops:

 

worrying will never change the outcome.

I need to remember this:

 

 

 

IN OTHER NEWS: When I Googled "worrying won't change the outcome" this is one of the first images that came up haha

 

 

Sure, why not? I guess polar bears that are stuck on snowballs (or is that an iceberg?) worry too.