photo of the day #98

Those look like some extreme lawn ornaments. Newspaper Mom has no time for lawn gnomes or pink plastic flamingos.

photo of the day #97

It's not a real party until somebody takes their pants off... It's just a shame when it has to be Dad.

365 days later.

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear bloggy blog.

Happy birthday to yooooou.

I love you because:
+you are mine.
+you are always there for me.
+you've helped me meet new people.

Cheers to another year!

such great hopes.

I've spent my Saturday reading this book. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. So far, I say it's extremely great and incredibly awesome. Ha, I'm a freak. But really, you should read it if you haven't.

Anyways.

Today I am disappointed. A goal of mine is to work on not being as shy as my shy self tends to be. So earlier this week when somebody new that I have recently made friends with asked to make plans with me this weekend, I said yes because I thought it would be a great start to not being shy. Any other day I would've said no and ran home to hide somewhere.. like under the covers or in the closet... Or maybe if I had a rock I crawled out of some point in my life, I could crawl back under it. I said yes fully aware that the whole week I was going to debate if I would really go or not. Fully aware I would try and come up with a million reasons why I shouldn't go, because to me, there is always a million reasons not to do something and I always have to find the one reason that I should.

So this morning, as I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling, I thought, I am going to go tonight and I'm not going to be shy and bashful.... or make any uncomfortable jokes for that matter. I kept saying it over and over again (even when I was reading which made it really difficult to concentrate, I had to re-read some lines).

The moment of truth came, I texted my new friend saying they can surely expect me there only to find out the get-together had been canceled. CANCELED. CCCAAAANNNCCEEELLLEDD. A week worth of preparation only to be rejected!! Okay, I don't think that really counts as being rejected, but still.

So that's why today I am disappointed. I didn't want to go anyways! (that's a lie) So now I'm going to go back to my book, my reallyreallyreally good book. I'll work on not being so shy some other day.

photo of the day #96

Uuhh... what... the hell!!? I'm curious to know what kind of hell he showed them.

"Not everyone with a mustache is a pedophile, but every pedophile has a mustache."

a day with kaleena. part 2

 CONTINUED FROM PART 1

4:41pm I pee my pants. Jk. I finally get inside where I loaf with great urgency to the bathroom hoping my fingers can unbutton my pants fast enough to make it in time.

4:42pm Success. No pants were peed in. I wash my hands in the sink, dry them off, look up slowly to the mirror dramatically. You, again. You look tired. Gah.

4:44pm Open the fridge only to discover I am opening a fridge full of disappointment. Nothing to eat or snack on. Shuffle over to the pantry.

4:45pm Open the pantry only to discover I am opening a pantry full of even greater disappointment. Absolutely nothing to eat in here. Shuffle back over the fridge.

4:47pm Okay, there has GOT to be something in here I can settle on. I scan the bleak inside of the fridge from top to bottom. From bottom to top.

4:50pm
Me: "Steve? What should we do for dinner?"
Steve: "Your Mom."
Awesome.


5:27pm *smoke detector is going off*
Steve: "It's okay! It's okay. Stop crying, wipe yourself off and get up off the kitchen floor, people burn dinner all the time... I better get you a band aid...."
Me: I say something under my crying and tears that nobody can understand or translate.


6:00pm Time for a nap. Not just a nap. But a tremendous nap I've been fantasizing about all day. I take off my boots, climb in to the bed and toss and turn until I find the spot.

8:45pm I AM GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK!! WTF!! HOW DID I LET MYSELF OVERSLEEP!?!?!?! Curse that dream about that swimming pool filled with pudding! Oh.. it appears the clock says PM not AM.

8:47pm Explain to Steve I am not a moron and was just a little confused about the time and apologize for the yelling and panicking noises that woke him up.

8:51pm Log onto Blogger, blog, check out some blogs, comment blogs, laugh at blogs, cry at blogs, scratch my head to some blogs, Facebook, E-mail, remind myself it's spam and I didn't really win a million dollars from a guy in Egypt, Facebook, CNN.com, Facebook.

9:51pm Another solid hour wasted online. That was an entire hour?

9:52pm I should probably shower.

10:00pm I see that the Office is on channel 3 and my nightly rant begins about why the Office should've been canceled four seasons ago.

10:27pm End rant.

10:28pm I wish I wasn't too lazy to shower.

10:32pm I am now in the shower. I LOVE THE SHOWER. I wish I could shower all day without murdering the environment. What was that noise? Seems the upstairs neighbors grew tired of re-enacting Jurassic Park and have now moved on to Independence Day.

10:53pm Best shower ever. Only 7 minutes til Scrubs starts.

11:00pm-12:00am Two episodes of Scrubs comes on channel 3. Nobody disturbs me in any way or form until the last credit rolls for Scrubs.

12:00am Where the hell did the night go?

12:02am Begin drying my hair and whatnot. Become annoyed that I will never enjoy drying my hair.

12:05am Steve walks by the bathroom and I startle him by blowing him unexpectedly with the blow dryer. Listen to his 'excuse' how I didn't really 'scare' him. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

1:10am I should go to bed.

1:17am
Me: "We are kind of silly."
Steve: "Why?
Me: "We have a zombie escape plan, but no fire escape plan."
Steve: "That's not silly. That's called prioritizing."

2:00am Must. Shutdown. Laptop. And. Go. To. Bed.

2:01am Eh, screw it. There is caffeine for a reason, right?

3:30am I am going to be so tired in the morning....

7:35am *beep beep beep* why did I stay up til 3:30am?

It's a tragic and vicious cycle. 

photo of the day #95

Day 1 - Balto discovers Youtube.

6 days later....

Youtube can be addicting.

i saw simon pegg today!

Reader, now that I have your attention, I should probably tell you that I did not see or meet Simon Pegg today. However, I did see a man at the store who looked alarmingly similar to Simon Pegg and he smiled at me as he passed with his basket full of toilet paper and Oreos. Not a lot of people can see they saw or met Simon Pegg... and not a lot of people can say they got smiled at by a Simon Pegg look-a-like either! Well that's not true, I just want to feel special, okay?

(above) The real Simon Pegg.

(above) The Simon Pegg that I saw that can be spotted at the local grocery store.

Today Steve asked me, "Why do beds have to sit on frames? Like, why can't they just lay on the floor?"

My instinct response that I didn't say aloud: You unthoughtful and insenstive bastard! I dunno, maybe those frames are simply existing so monsters around the world have a place to live and raise their monster families!!

My actual response I said to Steve: "Probably so monsters have a place to live and place for us and the rest of America to store junk."

Bless him.

If you happen to walk by our apartment... don't be confused, it did not turn into Hogwarts. It may appear that way because we hung my Harry Potter pillowcase in our bedroom window for a temporary curtain so it looks like Ron, Harry and Hermione are peeking out the window. So if you see Ron, Harry and Hermione... you can still wave, but you'll be waving at a pillowcase. 

**if you are not familiar with Simon Pegg, he is one of my favorite actors and can be found in films such as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

i opened my mouth and cliches came out.

It's true what they say. The same 'they' who say some people can't win them all... believe it or not there is a man somewhere in Illinois that probably has won them all. Or the same people that say you can't wear black and brown clothing together. Well guess what? I've worn black with brown and let me tell you, wearing black and brown has never felt so good.

So anyways. It's true what they say. It's the little things that matter. I know that is cliche for me to say and saying that is cliche... is cliche, but it's true.

I was outside today and I saw a great big and [of course] adorable Golden Retriever dog chasing another dog that appeared to be some sort of... nappy street mutt (to put it nicely) in the snow. They both had something that resembled a branch in their mouth and as I watched them run, roll around and play I was truly jealous of how fun that looked. I was amused with how intrigued I was by this. Just that little moment, made my entire day.

Am I the only one who got a cavity from the sweetness of this picture?

may i never sleep restless again.

WE GOT A NEW BED!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, yes.

We got a new bed!!

I'm just so happy and crazy I had to say it twice.

We upgraded from a full size to a KING. Let me tell you, I feel like a king on the King bed. Maybe that's why they named it a king... Hmm. Anyways, This means a few things will never happen again! 

I will never wake up buried underneath Steve.

I will never wake up clinging onto the side of the bed like a rock climber to a mountain who is about to fall.

I will never wake up in the morning wondering if someone beat my back with a broom thinking it was a rug that needed the dust beat out of it.

I will never lay in the side of the bed and gradually roll into the center (not on purpose).

The bed that has been hosting our place of sleep for the last two years has been Steve's since he was in 5th grade. Pfft. Yeah. Can I kindly remind you he is no a senior in college??? If you examine hard enough at the bare mattress you can still see a little 5th grade Steve body shape embedded into the mattress. That's probably #1 on my list of things I don't want embedded in my mattress.

Well I'm off now to go get acquainted with the King in our bedroom.

staying up late and oding myself to death.

I surely hope oding is a real word. But judging by the red ziggity line that appeared under it when I typed it, I'm going to say no, no it is not a word. I like to make up words. Oding is a verb for when you make an ode to something. You should try it sometime. Keep your eye out for it on Urban Dictionary.

I do not have to work tomorrow. So here I am at 3:17AM laying on the couch keeping my lap top company because like me, it's probably deathly afraid of the dark.

And now... ODES!

Ode to the Presidents of the past, present, and future for giving me this beautiful and just truly wonderful day off of work! How sweet of them, really. However, it stresses me out greatly because I am just so thrilled  for this entire day off, I don't know how to spend it exactly. Yay for no work! There are very few things greater than a day off of work... like... two days off of work I suppose.

Ode to water. Because water is simply delicious and can also make you clean. Anything you that you can drink and also that can make you clean is alright with me.

Ode to fingers/nails without hangnails. Like 8 out of the 10 fingernails have some severe and grave hangnails. I mean I keep them nicely painted, it's not like they can't repay me by not, I don't know, looking like hell. They are very hurty too.

Ode to words. I am obsessed with words. Without words you would be staring a blank post and I would probably be putting some of my made up body language to good use while making everyone uncomfortable at the same time.

Ode to Sweet Disposition, After a long year or so of rambunctious and very wild debates in my head, I think I'm ready to declare this as my favorite song. This song being Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap. Maybe..

Ode to Arrested Development. Because this is just hysterical and so fun to quote. I am guilty of calling my Sister 20+ times a day and quoting the most recent line that made me chuckle. I mean, I have to make an ode to something that made me laugh so hard out loud when I wasn't even watching it.

Ode to my Sister. Just for letting me quote Arrested Development to her... a lot.

bits if of my weekend.

I loved this weekend because:

+It has three days instead of two. Wee! [insert raising the roof motion here]

+I ate my most favorite sushi roll at the Red Ginger. Dynamite Roll. Seriously, look at that picture and tell me you aren't drooling. Cause I know I am... still.

+ I went bowling at bowled four, that's right, FOUR strikes in a row. 

+I ate a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. They are adorable. I didn't remember them being this adorable. I almost didn't want to eat it cause it was just so cute.

I didn't love this weekend because:

+I watched George of the Jungle on TV. Yeah, it's the one you are thinking of Reader. It has Brennan Frasier in it. No clue why it was my favorite movie in 3rd grade.

+I didn't win any contests... or the lottery.

+Nobody surprised me with a basket full of puppies on my doorstep.

+I didn't eat one Otter Pop.

+I had to do the dishes.
+I dropped my cell phone on my face while laying down and texting.

F.A.Q.

Is Kaleena your name? Or a nickname? What is that?
Kaleena would be my name. Twas given to me 21 years ago and it's been completely slaughtered all 21 on those years.

Do you like the name of your blog?
No. Truth be told, I hate it. No, I don't hate it, I really hate it. So many regrets. Just Add Kaleena? To what? If my blog title had a face, I would probably slap it.

What is a hypochondriac? How do you know you are one?
Well dear Reader, a hypochondriac is somebody who has a serious disorder in thinking they have every disease they hear of. I basically have imaginary symptoms. I knew I was a hypochondriac when I diagnosed myself with it. Yeah, it's that serious.

Why do you sometimes tell strangers your name is Nicki?
Only because I really want to skip the 5-8 awkward minutes it takes me to spell my name, pronounce it, spell it again, explain where it came from and then watch them whisper it to themselves. I've always openly wished my name was Nicki, so I get to live out my fantasy for a little while.


Why don't you like odd numbers? What is wrong with them?
I have a question for you, WHAT IS RIGHT WITH THEM? Bah.

Are the pictures on your blog all taken by you?
If it's not the photo of the day, yes, all photos are snapped by me. Great Scott! Could you imagine if I was there to photograph some of those photos of the day?? That would surely be a day ruin-er. I'm saying this with this one in mind.

Why do you refuse to watch movies with talking animals in them?
Because it's a movie.. that has talking animals in it.

 

a day with kaleena. part 1

Firstly Reader, I just want to share with you that I spelled my name wrong TWICE, yeah, TWICE when I was typing this title. Bah.

Here is a peek at my day in time bullet form. Feel free to take pictures along the way so you can share it with your family and friends and point and laugh at my life together.

7:35am beep beep beep *hits snooze* Why did I stay up til 3:30am?

7:45am beep beep beep *hits snooze* Why did I stay up til 3:30am?

7:55am beep beep beep *hits snooze* Why does Steve's face look like that when he sleeps? Fine, I guess I'll get up.

8:10am I arrive in the bathroom where I splash on some make up here and there. Is that a new freckle on my face? 

8:13am Go kiss Steve goodbye trying not to wake him up too much. I then listen to him mumble a few things as I walk out of the bedroom, turn around to see him pawing in the air. I can't explain this, nor can he, but I like to think he is a dog in the dream he is having and he's begging for a treat. Or maybe he just waves like that.

8:16am Get into my car, make sure there aren't any murderers in the backseat, turn on my iPod, put it in drive. I'm no en route to work.

8:20am SLOW DRIVER WITH YOUR SIGNAL STILL ON, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!

8:23am What time does McDonald's get done serving breakfast? Sounds good.

8:30am Arrive at work, find a parking spot, dig through my untidy purse to find my badge to get in. beep i'm in!

8:31am Walk up four flights of stairs, tell myself it counts as exercising for the day, proceed down the long, bleak hallway.

8:33am Hello desk. Hello space heater. Hello... Peanut Butter Twix bar? YES! I LEFT A BITE OF MY PB TWIX FROM YESTERDAY!! Oh and hello co-workers.

8:34am iPod headphones go in, Scrubs or Arrested Development comes on, I begin procrastinating.. cough cough I mean working.

9:00am  It's only 9? 

10:30am I think it's 10:30 that McDonald's stops serving breakfast, I've missed it. Damn.

11:00am It's only 11?

12:00pm I play real life Frogger as I cross the street to the Top Stop and get some drinks, snacks, have a nice chat with the friendly worker.

2:07pm It's only 2:07?

3:45pm Only fifteen more minutes. Only fifteen more minutes and then I'm free.

4:00pm LET FREEDOM RING!!!

4:04pm Begin the battle with the evening commute. 

4:40pm Arrive back home, get locked out of the apartment and playfully mocked by Steve who peeks out at me begging to let me in before I pee my pants.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

photo of the day #94

Um, yeah. Just about everything in this picture needs to go back where it came from and not be on the internet ever again.

21 or maybe 6.

I just nom'd a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a great big glass of milk. I don't know if it's cause it's the first thing I ate all day that made it so yum, but regardless, it was delicious. Stomach is grateful.

[that picture was prematurely snapped. the jelly nor the other bread is on yet, so no, i don't put peanut butter on top].

IN OTHER NEWS: There is a friendly notice down on our building's door that is exclaiming if the water bill is not paid by the 24th we will have no more water. 

I now must:

1. Inform Mr. Landlord-dude he needs to pay, afterall, he is in charge of the water bill.
2. Stalk up on Febreeze. If the day comes where we don't have water and I can't shower, I will Febreeze myself to death to avoid a stink.
3. Continue to nom-nom this PB&J.

bits of my weekend.

I loved this weekend because:

1. I won twenty bucks on a bet while I was bowling. Holler. Show me the money!!

2. The Neti Pot saves lives. Well, mine at least.

I didn't love this weekend because:

1. I was sick.

2. I was sneezing a bajillion times in a row leaving my eyes watery and puffy.

3. I was coughing like a chain smoker and scaring the children at the store.

4. I was sick.

5. My camera battery was dead so I only took one picture with my camera phone. Oh yeah.

6. Oh yeah, and I was sick.

So this is pretty much what my weekend looked like.

a day of hearts, hugs and kisses.

Happy Valentines Day!

Steve,

Just so you know, I am yours to keep.

xoxo

 Happy Valentines Day too, Reader.

some questions... and stuff... and things.

Why do children, typically ages 3-8 years old just run? Mostly in grocery stores or restaurants. Why? They just run.

Did you know that you can't block Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook?

Why do I have always have to do the dishes right after I paint my nails and make them all pretty and shiney and sparkely? We  never have dishes unless I have some bitchin' nail polish on.

Why is breakfast so much better for dinner? Well maybe not so much better for dinner, but I do love it for dinner. Oh yeah.

Why can't I be a synchronized swimmer? 

Why is new music on my iPod just so delightful? It makes me happy in the face.

Why can't Panda bears be domesticated house pets? Pretty please can they be?

Why do I always have such big and extravagant hopes for the weekend but waste them by sitting and snacking? Mostly sitting. And snacking.

Why am I catching a cold? Be gone, evil cold! You won't win this time.


Why do I always crave smoothies and then after one sip, want to chuck it out the window? Or just poke it with my straw while I think about stuff. Like why I wasted my money on it...again.

Why does iTunes suck? COMPLAIN! COMPLAIN! 



and now this picture just because. i took it about... two years ago and i like it. 

 these are just a few of my scarves.

photo of the day #93

Please Mom!!! Can we keep it? Pleeeease?

photo of the day #92

Stay tuned for a preview for next week's episode of "When Barn Yard Animals Are More Talented and Successful Than You."

and then i got a package in the mail and it turned into the best day ever.

So this came in the mail today. And it basically turned into the best day ever. Which by the way, it's not that hard to make my day, just don't kill me or make me cry and you will probably make my day.

So I'm going to share a story now, and it may be TMI, so consider this your warning.

Exhale.

I forgot to wear underwear today. And I have no explanation for this. I know what you are thinking, how can someone be stupid enough to forget their own pantaloons? Well I thought that too, I still think that...

I woke up just a little late and was very scattered and basically still asleep while stumbling around the apartment trying to get dressed after I showered. I didn't realize it til I was walking into work... when it was too late. Reader, it was much too late. Long story short, I am grateful that today wasn't "pants your co-worker day"

photo of the day #91

Dr. Dentist Kitty says: "Yep, Mr. O'Lattern, looks like it's exactly what I had suspected. You have a candle in your mouth."

and the winner is....

drdrddrdrdrdrdr .... is that how you spell a drum roll?

Well, Jodi at Run On Sentences and McGriddle Pants gave me this award. The LOL Award.

1 Link to the person who gave you this award. (In a post, or in your sidebar, wherever you have this)

2. Pass the award along to seven other people who post about at least slightly amusing things and tell them. Either by emailing them or commenting on a post, etc.

4. Say seven things about yourself that no one knows. (Or at least you think no one knows.)

5. Pass these rules on.

So. Seven things about me. Sigh. I've been living with myself for 21 years and I can never think of things about me.

Here goes:

1. I am still afraid of the dark... I am very easy to scare. I even scare myself without meaning to.

  2. I wake up each day between 7:30am-8:00am. Every morning I hate it.

3. I lose everything. Seriously. Everything. 

4. I get very moody when I'm hungry or tired. Much like an infant. Heaven help you if you are with me when I'm tired AND hungry.

5. I don't want to turn 22. I'm having an age crisis at the age of 21. 

6. No matter what I do, I will always have an untidy purse.

7. Sometimes I am shy, sometimes I can't shut up.

8. I eat my cheeseburgers upside down.  

9. Majority of people cannot pronounce my name correctly. It's Kuh-lee-nuh. Not Kayleen. Colleen. Kathy. Kaylee. Collette. Kale. Karina.

I know it was only supposed to be seven facts, but nine felt right.

  Since I'm professional at procrastinating, I will choose the people I am awarding this to later this week. Hopefully.

i feel like an old lady.

I fell down some icy stairs today.
You can point and laugh if you want, like the people around me did.

And i'm still achy and sore.

I feel like I'm an old lady and I'm only 21.

Then I came home from work and got my ass kicked by a migraine.

Kaleena: 0 Migraine: 1

And THEN I thought I lost my favorite pair of earrings. But I didn't, I found them. Have you ever tried celebrating with a migraine? It's just as painful as it sounds.

Today kind of sucked

how come your pants are wet?

I want to myself clear.

1. I love awkward moments.

2. I don't love embarrassing moments.

3. To me, they are not the same.

I kind of get embarrassed easy but am very professional at hiding it til I get home and let it all out usually in the form of a squeel/scream/cry/jump-up-and-down/move my arms around/run in place/hyperventilating stuff kind of like that. I blame it on my shyness as a little girl.

If I think really hard I can remember the first time I was ever embarrassed. It was in Mrs. Marler's 2nd grade class room. I peed my pants at recess because you know, sometimes going to the bathroom isn't as important as playing with your friends on the playground. Well, when we got in from recess, guess who got called up the front of the whole class to solve a math problem on the board? ME! Remember how I peed my pants like 5 minutes before I had to do this? Well I'm sure you can put together the rest of the story while I relive this... I was such a dummy.

To this day here is a list of some of the most embarrassing things that can happen:

1. Sending a wrong text message to the wrong person. This is embarrassing especially when it's about the person you sent it to on accident or a private text.
2. Standing at an automatic sliding door and it doesn't open. This happens all the time. And I'm left just standing really close to a door that is still closed with the glass getting foggy that is by my mouth. This is just as bad as pushing on a PULL door.
3. Going through a whole day and getting home to see you left the tag on your new shirt. Eek! Or when you leave that sticker on your jeans that say what size they are and someone has to politely tap you on your shoulder and tell you. Facepalm.
4. Hitting reply all to an email when you only meant to send reply to the one person.
5. When you can't hear what someone says to you so you just say, "Mmmhmm" only to find out they asked you a question. I'm still trying to figure out a neutral answer than can be said at any time...
6. When you are listening to a guilty pleasure song on your iPod, AHEM, like Backstreet Boys 'Show me the meaning of being lonely' and someone asks what you are listening to...
7. When somebody reads out loud something I've written. I would run away after I signed somebody's yearbook just to avoid the chance of them reading it out loud. I can't really explain this, but I hate when someone reads out loud something I've written. Steve found this out and he will come to my blog and read it out loud. :( That jerk! (jk... sort of).
8.Talking to somebody who has their headphones in, but you can't see them.. so you keep talking.

It's alright if you don't think this stuff is embarrassing, because like I said, I get embarrassed easy.

Anyways, here is what today looked like:

Today I am thankful for:
1. My iPod.
2. Caffeine.
3. Spell check.

bits of my weekend.

I loved this weekend because:

1. I found some uber (do people still say uber?) cute frames to put some postcards of Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix that I had no clue what to do with besides look at them and love them... and look at them some more.
2. I got kind of creative in the bathroom on Saturday night when I was home alone. Please look at those pictures of me with the mirrors and admire how trippy (and so Myspace) they are. Sometimes I confuse creativity with boredom.
3.I witnessed Steve referee his very first Varsity basketball game. Be excited, this is huge. I also witnessed probably the most hilarious high school mascot ever.
4. I watched my favorite movie, Forrest Gump. And that's all I have to say about that.

I didn't love this weekend because:

1. Steve and only Steve can manage to knock a pair of glasses into the toilet by simply opening a window. 

2. I tried and failed, again, at attempting to clean out one of my many jewelry boxes/piles/areas. Every girl has her  accessory or  thing when it comes to shopping. Mine is definitely earrings. Oh yeah. And scarves of course.

See those glasses above? Yeah, those are the ones Steve knocked in the toilet. I'm impressed to be honest.