The older I get, the more the only thing I am sure of is that nothing ever really makes sense and you kind of just have to take what you can from living and see what it all means to you at the end of the day. I'm an extroverted feeler and introverted thinker so it makes it hard for me to articulate myself. I'll try my best.
The things that I'm meaning that doesn't make sense are things like.... you can't know better until knowing better is too late. What type of cruel irony is that? It's like, great that we at least eventually know better but that's a special kind of bullshit torture since you can't really do anything about it besides kick yourself.
I don't really know where I am going with this... I was just sleeping in my room with all the lights on and a text message woke me up and here I am. It's 1:30AM.
Right now - one of my favorite things to do is go out on my balcony or even crawl up on my roof anytime after 3AM and look at the city. There is a very quiet sounding loud hum. It kind of feels like I'm the only person existing and I get a secret place where only I can exist. I look at the city and as far as the distance shows it's really a sobering feeling. It really does puts everything into perspective. Suddenly the driver who didn't signal that put me in a bad mood doesn't matter and the worry that I might not ever figure out what kind of person I am doesn't seem as daunting. I look out and I see the place that has been my timeline and map of everything I've ever done and experienced -- the big things at least. It's hard to comprehend that I'm looking at the same place and still living under the same sky where I lived with my first love, played night games as a kid with my neighborhood, spent so many nights/hours driving around with my closest friends, spent many other nights driving around alone wondering where I will ever belong, etc. Is this really the same place? It's all a nostalgic grid.
If i'm being honest - being awake at 3AM and looking out a dark city with soft shimering lights of the town and feeling like I'm the only person existing is the most comforting yet alienating feeling.
The things that I'm meaning that doesn't make sense are things like.... you can't know better until knowing better is too late. What type of cruel irony is that? It's like, great that we at least eventually know better but that's a special kind of bullshit torture since you can't really do anything about it besides kick yourself.
I don't really know where I am going with this... I was just sleeping in my room with all the lights on and a text message woke me up and here I am. It's 1:30AM.
Right now - one of my favorite things to do is go out on my balcony or even crawl up on my roof anytime after 3AM and look at the city. There is a very quiet sounding loud hum. It kind of feels like I'm the only person existing and I get a secret place where only I can exist. I look at the city and as far as the distance shows it's really a sobering feeling. It really does puts everything into perspective. Suddenly the driver who didn't signal that put me in a bad mood doesn't matter and the worry that I might not ever figure out what kind of person I am doesn't seem as daunting. I look out and I see the place that has been my timeline and map of everything I've ever done and experienced -- the big things at least. It's hard to comprehend that I'm looking at the same place and still living under the same sky where I lived with my first love, played night games as a kid with my neighborhood, spent so many nights/hours driving around with my closest friends, spent many other nights driving around alone wondering where I will ever belong, etc. Is this really the same place? It's all a nostalgic grid.
If i'm being honest - being awake at 3AM and looking out a dark city with soft shimering lights of the town and feeling like I'm the only person existing is the most comforting yet alienating feeling.
