six months.

On December 27th, it will be six months since Steve and I broke up. Let me tell you, it has seemed like a lot longer than six months. When I think back to that day, it seems like another lifetime. I know I've said this before, but I'm sure that time functions differently when you have a broken heart. 

Even though Steve did break up with me and we remain close friends to this day, I feel with every piece of me I will never be able to forgive him for hurting me the way he did that rotten day he broke up with me. I have never been that hurt in my entire life. I will never understand why or how he could do that to me. That may sound childish and immature, but as of right now, I feel I will never feel the feeling of forgiveness for how he hurt me.

I've been okay recently. I haven't felt emotional or sad over our breakup and there are days when I don't even feel sad about what happened. The days where I feel sad and depressed for our breakup are getting more and more spread out and I find myself thinking about it/him less and less. This is giving me hope that I can finally be moved on once and for all. It does make me slightly sad that I am making myself move on from the person that I loved and was my future husband and said he would never leave me. 

I definitely went through the five stages of loss:

1. Denial and Isolation.

2. Anger. - I was in this stage the longest. Not only feeling anger towards Steve but I felt a lot of anger towards myself because I left myself believe it was my fault.

3. Bargaining.

4. Depression.

5. Acceptance. (I hope I am finally to this stage)

Here are my most favorite quotes about change, moving on, and letting go. Don't think I didn't cry while reading these quotes. I am after all, the queen of crying over everything. This post was incredibly emotional for me to write, but luckily, it has made me feel better.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” – The Wonder Years

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” –Unknown

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily–we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

Ugh.