totes favsies movie quoties.

Here are some of my favorite movie quotes that I think about all the time, mostly when I'm going for a drive or just when I need to remember some perspective.

"Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that. "

-From Little Miss Sunshine


"Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias"

-From Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. "

-From Garden State

these days.

These days,
I either feel everything at once
or
nothing at all.

I don't know what is worse.
Feeling like I'm drowning in feelings
or
being so thirsty for them I don't know who I am.

This is an old instax of me and Steve.

Found it last night and I was overwhelmed with so many different emotions.

sadness.

Me and my friends were talking about what songs/books/movies always make us cry. I answered them with one song, but I've been thinking about it more and here are my final results:

Songs:
Always On My Mind - Elvis Presley or Willie Nelson.
How it Ends - Devotchka
You Love Me - Devotchka
With or Without You - U2 --- even though I HATE U2. Ugh.
How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye - Patty Loveless
Last Kiss - Pearl Jam
Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
Operator - Jim Croce

Books:
Paint it Black - Janet Fitch
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  - J.K. Rowling

Movies:
P.S. I Love You. Especially this scene:


Garden State
(500) Days of Summer (lame, I know)
Marley and Me

That is all for now.

six months.

On December 27th, it will be six months since Steve and I broke up. Let me tell you, it has seemed like a lot longer than six months. When I think back to that day, it seems like another lifetime. I know I've said this before, but I'm sure that time functions differently when you have a broken heart. 

Even though Steve did break up with me and we remain close friends to this day, I feel with every piece of me I will never be able to forgive him for hurting me the way he did that rotten day he broke up with me. I have never been that hurt in my entire life. I will never understand why or how he could do that to me. That may sound childish and immature, but as of right now, I feel I will never feel the feeling of forgiveness for how he hurt me.

I've been okay recently. I haven't felt emotional or sad over our breakup and there are days when I don't even feel sad about what happened. The days where I feel sad and depressed for our breakup are getting more and more spread out and I find myself thinking about it/him less and less. This is giving me hope that I can finally be moved on once and for all. It does make me slightly sad that I am making myself move on from the person that I loved and was my future husband and said he would never leave me. 

I definitely went through the five stages of loss:

1. Denial and Isolation.

2. Anger. - I was in this stage the longest. Not only feeling anger towards Steve but I felt a lot of anger towards myself because I left myself believe it was my fault.

3. Bargaining.

4. Depression.

5. Acceptance. (I hope I am finally to this stage)

Here are my most favorite quotes about change, moving on, and letting go. Don't think I didn't cry while reading these quotes. I am after all, the queen of crying over everything. This post was incredibly emotional for me to write, but luckily, it has made me feel better.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” – The Wonder Years

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” –Unknown

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily–we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

Ugh.