"maybe we should put the smoke detector back up when you are done cooking dinner...."

....said Steve after my dinner cooking set off our smoke alarm. (Sorry upstairs and downstairs neighbors, didn't mean to send you in a sweaty panic). If my cooking self esteem was a bruise with a deep, wide cut in the middle of it... well, Steve just sprinkled some salt in it. A lot of salt. Ouch.

I made a freakyawesomewickedhoppingcrazyrunningdelicious comeback when I made chocolate chip cookies. Reader, you won't believe the tiring effort that went into making these cookies. First off, I had to cut open the package. Yeah, I know, I thought it was tear open too. Whew. Then, I had to place the already shaped cookie dough onto a baking sheet. Lastly, oh finally, I had to wait a lasting ten minutes.

Look, unintentionally a heart cookie was made. For Steve, of course.

photo of the day #27

Now THAT'S what public transportation should look like.

today i said unique new york nine times fast....

....and then on the tenth one, I said, "newnique yewnork." Booo. I was this close!!

Something needs to be discussed. It shouldn't be paralyzingly unpleasant to walk down a bland, desolate hall alone with one other individual approaching the opposing way. Today as I was walking down the hall at my work, (a hall that has dull, white walls without any paintings to add any flavor), another individual was coming the other way. Let me tell you, it's hysterical to see the things people will do to avoid eye contact, a simple "hi", a wave, a nod, a high five, a wink, a jumping jack contest, a full body embrace....

People will stare at the blank wall instead of saying hi.
People will act like they have something intriguing on their cell phone... but ONLY for the tiny second when they are passing you. [eye roll]
People will act like desperately search for something in their pockets to fidget with.... ANYTHING!
*my favorite* People will flat out turn around and shuffle the other way.
People will suddenly look up at the ceiling, as if something dropped.

Not me. I look people straight in the face. I frequently bark hi, only to see their surprise reaction, like, What? Someone isn't making them self look like a lunatic just to avoid being friendly? Hey, it's a long hall, you have to entertain the walk somehow.

photo of the day #26

"Ahem, waiter? There is a rodent in my drink......"

bits of my weekend.

One thing I learned this weekend.

1.Sometimes you don't learn anything in a weekend.

photo of the day #25

"Hi.... er.... I'm not going to be able to make it into work.... today."

ghooooooowwww.

Reader, I like what you've done with your hair! Did you do something different? Looks sensational.

I hope when you read the title you knew it was supposed to be the way a stomach sounds when it growls. Some of the most uncomfortable moments in my life have started and sadly ended with my stomach growling. In high school, when I would feel a loud, mighty, and powerful growl creeping up on me, I would "clumsily" drop my calculator on my desk, tap my fingers extra loud or pretend I had something interesting to say and once the growl would pass I would conveniently forget.

Hey, it's completely normal to be self-conscience about your stomach and when it growls to demands food. I'm working on training it to stop growling and start making Chewbacca noises when it's hungry.

"Is.... is someone watching Star Wars?"

"No, but I sure am hungry."

Note: This is the first post I've posted where I haven't been hungry and oddly, it's about the things that occur when I'm hungry.

***In case you are wondering what pops up on Youtube when you search Chewbacca noise, click here. Expect to be frightened.It's okay to cry. Try not to run away... like I did.

my fingers and napkins after eating pizza hut is depressing.

It makes me frown that when I'm done eating Pizza Hut, my heavy-duty, quilted napkin is now transparent. I hope my intestines are still there.... and still intestiney.

Last week, we had a roommate, Mike, in our humble nest. Today, his room is solitary & empty and he's back living in Sandy. It's insane how fast things happen. I feel like we just had our dog of ten years put to sleep. After he left, I jokingly went to his room to say, "He's really gone" (like in the movies) but it really did make me mournful and I shed one solitary tear.

We went out to dinner to Iggy's where the tasty plate of cheese fries made me feel cheerful again.

I'm bothered and ashamed I talked about Pizza Hut and Cheese fries in the same day/post. You're right, I'll go hang my head in shame.

OH! I had a small victory today, that only people named Kaleena will enjoy. So. You know when you see a loose hair that you can tell it's not attached to your head anymore? So you tug it and toss it away? (Is this just me? I'm now feeling self conscience about sharing this).
Well, Steve has a ton of hairs that look like they are independent from his head by about a half inch, but whenever I go to tug on them, THEY ARE STILL ATTACHED! Grr. It causes me angst because each time, I'm thinking, this one HAS to be detached. But alas, it never is. Not today though. Today, I saw the hair, I tugged it, and it wasn't attached. I finally win. ----

the one where my shower was ruined.

Remember that one time I wished for a genie? Well I thought of another wish I would wish from genie. I wish I could be in the shower all day. You can think this is weird, because it is weird. But I cherish showers the way some cherish their cats.

Tonight, somebody (a very scary somebody) didn't want me to enjoy my nightly shower. Noooo, they didn't just want to ruin my shower, they wanted to torture me, reduce me to tears. There I was--walking down the hall with dreams of the hot water, loofas, brown sugar & fig soaps, etc, and there it was. A colossal, black, long-legged SPIDER, just making it's ugly self comfortable in OUR shower. I wanted to explode with fright. How do you stop an exploding (wo)man? The jerk probably had it planned all along. He knew.

Did it stop there? No, *sniff* it didn't stop there. After getting Steve to vacuum that effer out of my kingdom... err.. my shower, every. single. thing that would graze me, I imagined the most horrendous spider known to my imagination. Every droplet of water tormented me, it changed me! My usual 20-25 minute shower was diminished to a pathetic ten minutes.

Tonight will forever be remembered as: The incident.

Spider: 99 Kaleena: 0

and now, for a survey...

Where do you live?

Salt Lake City, in the Avenues. Where everybody knows my name.

what is your favorite color?

Really? I don't think I could pick just one---ugh, red? turquoise?

what is your favorite city?

So far, San Francisco.

What is your favorite thing to cook?

Correction: It should be, what exactly CAN you cook? 

My favorite is probably spaghetti and meatballs with rolls.

What beauty product can you not live without?

Easy—that’s concealer.

What is one thing you can’t help but splurge on?

Easy- shoes. Or books.

What is your favorite word?

Alabaster. My not favorite word is moist or seep. Or murmur.

What movie can you recite by heart?

4-way Tie: Shaun of the Dead--The Hot Chick--Forrest Gump--Big Daddy.

What is your favorite thing to do on the weekend?

Go for walks and eat.

Which tv show makes you happiest?

King of the Hill.

What is your favorite beverage?

Cherry Coke, Mountain Dew or Diet Dr. Pepper.

Like how I can't narrow anything down?

If you could trade lives with anyone for a day who would you chose?

Anybody who lives in New York with a St Bernard named Dolly.

What is your favorite comfort food?

Chicken Soft Tacos from Del Taco. Mmmmm.

What was the best piece of advice you were ever given?

1.Don't let the bastards get you down.

2.You have to be pretty on the inside before you can be pretty on the outside.

Who gave it to you?

1.My favorite teacher of all time, high school teacher, Mrs. Cramblitt.

2.Sadly, don't remember. Probably somebody as cheesy as the bit of advice. Cheese is good though.

What three possessions do you value most?

1)

My lap top.

2)

My puffy (stuff animal I've had since I was a baby).

3)

My accessory collection. Yes, that is including scarves, earrings, necklaces, etc.

What three non-material things do you value most?

My family& Steve.

Health.
My memory.

When was the last time you told someone you loved

them?

This morning.

Who was it?

Steve.

when zombies could be at your local grocery store.

It happened again today.

"Hey, how's it goin'? Do you have a pen I can borrow real quick?"

Me: "It's 2:06pm"

"Huh? I need it to sign this in real quick..."

Me: "What?"

"I need to borrow a pen, so I can sign this in."

Me: "Ooooooooooh, I thought you asked the time."

"...........thank you."

This was humiliating... not really, I just don't even have an explanation.

The Smiths down the road is renovating. I give a thumbs down to the renovation, the store is going from adorable and old fashion to... not adorable and modern. After 10PM, the store appears deserted, the shelves are out of line, food scattered everywhere (including the floor), floor is torn up, etc. As I was wandering up and down what was left of the aisles, I felt like I was in a zombie movie. Turns out there are only renovating because I never found the camera crew, make-up artists or the zombies.

photo of the day #24

bits of my weekend.

Six things I learned this weekend:

1.The more episodes of Cops you watch, the longer the theme song will be stuck in your head. Bad boys, bad boys...

2.Cheese makes any food that is delicious, more delicious.

3.The harder I want to sleep in, the earlier I will wake up... unhappy.

4.When my car is clean, it seems like a brand new car! Wee. And I feel like everyone is jealous of it as I drive my wheezing car by them.

5.I'm always hungry.

6.The two most used words in my vocabulary (not including, "Oh my gosh, watch this Youtube video") is "I'm hungry."

7.I'm hungry right now. I didn't learn that this weekend, but I am hungry.
8. Number eight because I would lose sleep If I allowed to make an odd number list.

this dog has already accomplished more than i will in my entire life.

Reason # 1,002,342 why I love dogs.

bad boys, bad boys.

I'm sick today.

I had an alarming dream last night. In this dream, one of those ugly, flying ants was in our bedroom and it was crawling on me, it scared me so bad that it woke me up; only for me to discover that I would be spending this Sunday sick, on the couch. Typically, I would be on the couch anyway, but this time I have an excuse. Wanna know what I absolutely disdain? You can witness the most awful, scary, terrible, worst dream of your life or in the history of ever and when you are sharing it with someone else, they will never know what it was like. And they will judge you. And stare at you. And call you a baby and ask if you need a nightlight.

"A 'scary' dream about a flying ant woke you up?....."

"You just had to be there, alright!!! Can you pass me more tissues?"

The headache that is haunting me right now, makes me want to slice that part of my brain out and drop-kick it into the road where it will be ran over by the next four passing cars. 

Today's forecast: being beached on the couch while watching the Cops marathon. Three episodes down already, about twenty left to go.