photo of the day #68

Note to self: NEVER challenge a hippo to a game of tag.

if i were a...

If I were a month, I’d be December.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be 3pm.
If I were a planet, I’d be Uranus! Wow, I can be immature. Probably Mars.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be sea lion.
If I were a direction, I’d be East.
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a lazy boy recliner... or a banana chair.
If I were a liquid, I’d be Mountain Dew.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a pearl. (not really a gemstone)
If I were a tree, I’d be a bonsai tree.
If I were a tool, I’d be a phillips screwdriver.
If I were a flower, I’d be a tulip.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be 68 degrees with an overcast.
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be an key-tar (keyboard and guitar in one!).
If I were a color, I’d be red.
If I were an emotion, I’d be eager.
If I were a fruit, I’d be a gala apple.
If I were a sound, I’d be the sound of pins being knocked over by a bowling ball.
If I were an element, I’d be helium.
If I were a car, I’d be a 66' El Camino SS.
If I were a food, I’d be greasy cheese fries.
If I were a place, I’d be some sort of event center.
If I were a material, I’d be silk.
If I were a taste, I’d taste like sugar.
If I were a scent, I’d be fresh bread or a Sharpie marker.
If I were an animal, I’d be a duck.
If I were an object, I’d be ladder.
If I were a body part, I’d be a hand.
If I were a facial expression, I’d be an OMG expression.
If I were a song, I’d be "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkle.
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be red flats or Chuck Taylors.

no more regrowth, yessss!

I had a long awaited, over-due, much needed/wanted hair appointment today. I was walking around with about two inches of regrowth... and since my hair is colored a very light blond, my regrowth looks really dark in comparison. {note: my natural color is a dirty blond, but the blond I have in it now, makes it look alarmingly dark}

Before the appointment I looked like I could be one of those nappy hoes on Jerry Springer. You know, the ones who slap, hiss and fight other girls for gettin' and foolin' with their man? (oh no she didn't!!) I haven't watched that show in years (that's a lie) but it seems like the girls on that show always have black regrowth on the top of their head and bright yellow hair on the bottom. All I was missing was a three sizes too small tube top and some Spice Girl boots.

So, back to my appointment. I hate the conversations and gossip you hear in a salon. I had to sit for two solid hours and listen about a girl's boyfriend, named Klay.  

Hair Dresser 1: He spells it with a 'K' isn't that just so unique? It just seems so... glamorous!

Customer: My Husband's name is Clay, but he spells it with a 'C'!!!

OMG! OMG! omg overload.

This is what I would look like if I was on Jerry Springer:

This is another lie, I don't have cleavage like that. And that's not a spider on my head, that was my regrowth. Have you ever noticed how bad I exaggerate things?

photo of the day #67

Have you ever been so angry that you tackled a horse?

q & a

Question: What is wrong?

Answer: EVERYTHING.

Okay not really, but almost. Tonight, I lost my favorite hoop earring that I've had since the history of forever. Don't you hate that feeling when you go to play with your jewelery just to find out it's gone? Oh what an awful feeling. Once I discovered it missing, all I wanted to do was go home and cry in the shower.

Pros of the night:

The night was spent with Steve and we went to the Utah Jazz basketball game where I ate Dippin' Dots.

  
Cons of the night:

I lost my earring.

note to self:

Be more interesting and do more interesting things. Pre-teen Kaleena is disappointed in you, even Kaleena 2 years ago is disappointed in you. She thought future Kaleena would have already accomplished something more adventurous, more intriguing by now. 

I'm afraid this is a beginning to a quarter life crisis. 

kthanksbye.

hi, i'm employee of the month.

Reader, guess what? I was awarded, 'Employee of the Month' today. I was getting ready to walk out of work and my boss presented to me a glorious trophy.. a trophy with a car on top. Reader, my job has absolutely zero to do with cars. It's a trophy in which I won't even be able to keep and show future children.

After I got my temporary, confusing and odd themed trophy, I walked out of work as if there was a large marching band marching behind me, fireworks shooting in the sky, candy lining the streets, DOUBLE FREAKING RAINBOWS!!

I was happy. And proud.

does santa have an e-mail address?

If he does, I would send him an e-mail saying...

All I want for Christmas is:

Eric from, The Little Mermaid, for a second boyfriend. 

Eric was my very first crush in life. And I agree with you Reader, it is strange I have a crush on a cartoon.

Steve, you're still my #1.

photo of the day #66

Introducing: The half human, half horse bride.. lady... thing. Well she is the most beautiful horse bride I've ever seen!

fine, i guess i forgive you.

Comcast, you are officially forgiven. Your automated system and customer service reps might be hopeless, but my, your service technicians sure are helpful.

I also want to thank and give you a virtual high five and/or hug if you said my Christmas tree was pretty. It lifted my alarmingly-low-holiday-decorating self esteem quite a bit... especially because none of you pointed out that there isn't even a star on top! Ha-ha. Hmm, not that I think of it, I really need to find a tree topper of some sort.

Do you want to know how happy I am that it's December? I am THIS happy. When you read THIS, did you picture me standing with my arms stretched out as far as they go with a straight face, raising my eye brows up and down? Cause that's what was intended. So if you didn't, go up and read that part again and envision that.

december.

Goals and to-do list for this month:

-Read the newspaper more. Even though it makes my finger tips black.
-Get my Christmas shopping done before December 23rd.
-Donate a turkey/food to the food bank.
-Fill my gas tank before it gets on the E. My car loves me, so I should love it back.
-Send out handwritten Christmas cards.
-Stop comparing myself to others.
-Only drink two Capri Suns a day... instead of six.
-Not buy a President chia pet. (have you seen those? wow).
-Continue to eat that yummy peppermint ice-cream in our freezer. I hope it's still there... I may have eaten it all.
-Get more peppermint ice-cream if that other one is gone.
-Make realistic new year's resolutions.
-Build a snowman family in the snow.
-Get my hair done, my regrowth is humiliating!

introducing, the christmas tree.

Nothing says Merry Christmas like a tree with a half filled DVD rack next to it. And my OCD is torturing me, I want to claw through my computer screen and close the other side of those blinds. Gaaaahh!

Hi, Steve. I can see you through the tree.

marry me, harry potter!!!!

I saw Harry Potter. Reader, I had goosebumps for like the first eight minutes. It was that magical. I jumped out of my seat (not really, I just got way scared and flinched really hard) a few times.

I want to make a formal and sincere apology to the movie goers who were standing in line behind me at the concessions. I turned around before I took this picture to make sure there wasn't a line... nobody was there.

I dig into my bottomless purse filled with a bunch of things I never use to find my camera--turn around-- nobody was there.

I arrange the concessions to make a pleasing-to-the eye background for my glorious Harry Potter ticket that I'll make into a locket someday---turn around--nobody was there.

Snap! Picture taken. I turn around to walk jubilantly to the theater-- there was a line of like six people.

Seriously, where did they all come from? I want to know. I'm sorry I was so annoying by taking a picture of my ticket and popcorn.

IN OTHER NEWS I got my new cell phone and I'm starting to think it's smarter than I am. Okay, not really, but it's hard to get used to. Does anyone else have Comcast? Does anyone else want to join my new club? It's called, "Comcast, I hate you." The motto is: If the Comcast automated menu/system had face, we would punch it.... I don't really know if that counts as a motto.

Seriously though Comcast, your customer service is NOT satisfactory, kthanksbye.

Speaking of Comcast, I was on the phone with them and I screamed. Not cause I was upset with them and wanting put a toothpick under my big toe nail and kick a soccer ball instead of talking to them, but because Steve left a towel hanging on the bathroom door. Do you know what a towel hanging on the bathroom door looks like in the dark when you are pacing around the empty apartment? A MAN! A BIG SCARY STRANGE MAN!

So I screamed, startled myself as well as the Comcaster dude. Maybe one day I'll be scared of real things and not a towel... on a door.

photo of the day #65

"This is the last time I listen to the GPS."

meanwhile on 2nd ave...

Reader. I am the best. And I'm about to tell you why.

Well, last night, a big, mean, brutal headache snuck up on me and... basically dominated me. I had a hard time falling asleep. I know, that has nothing to do with why I am the best.

But. This morning, (even though my head was still throbbing when I woke up) I stepped out of my warm nest that doubles as a bed early. Steve, being the handsome scholar he is, was getting ready for school.. I went out and scraped the 6 inches of snow and ice off his car.

Aren't I the best? Steve: you are welcome.