music is my boyfriend.

Remember how stupid that one song was where music was everything to her? I always hated that song. But it somehow ended up as the title of this post.

I need to be honest. Because I am professional at portraying myself one way when I’m really suffering.
I’m not happy with myself. I don’t mean unhappy with my hair, clothes, personality, skills, etc. I know I have a lot of things to be happy with like my health, job, family, home, etc. But at the end of the day, I’m not proud or content with where I’m at at this point in my life. I am 23 years old and I haven’t accomplished anything major besides graduating high school. I haven’t taken any big risks or chances. I’ve lived a pretty vanilla, standard life. That doesn’t mean I don’t have any crazy stories or nights under my belt, or that I’ve never done anything wild… but part of me is happy with my decisions. I’m still so young that it’s okay that I don’t know what I want to be when I “grow up” or if I even want to get married (some days I dream of it, some days I swear I will never be somebody’s anything). But what makes me worry is I don’t think I’m ever going to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I’m afraid I’m never going to be really great at something that will allow me to accomplish anything great or huge. I want to create oppourtunities and live a life that would get a “based on a true story” movie made after it.

If the world was “Arrested Development” my life would be Ann. Ann-Hog. Egg.

Once apon a time when I was 18 and single, I was really happy with what I had going for me. I was discovering the “real world” after high-school. The life that was outside of Taylorsville High School and my friend’s basement. I had a full-time job (1pm-9pm), making new friends, staying up/out late, planning all the tattoos I would get, reading new genres of books, questioning things more, starting to rely on me to support myself instead of my parents. I really grew up and I was happy because I was doing things I had never done before and I was learning about what I enjoyed. It’s amazing how much you don’t know about yourself when you do the same routine every day.

Some people have a plan of what they want to acheive or have by blank age. I want to have a very loose plan that will still give me structure but will allow me to be spontaneous. I don’t care if I end up married with kids or single and owning a boutique in the city… all I want is to live a life that I am proud of at the end of the day and that makes me happy when I’m falling asleep.

the newest owner of a VW bus.

I, Kaleena, am proud to announce I am now an owner of a VW bus.

!!!

This is the part where I should probably tell you that it's just a toy VW bus.
But I want a real one so bad that I had to settle on this little toy one and it's probably the closest I will get to owning one.
I still wish my future husband and I can buy a real one and take a road trip across the United States for our honeymoon.
Awww.

kaleena then, kaleena now.

Hi hi hi!

So, pretty much, if I could go back in time and do anything I wanted, I would go back to like, fifth grade and write myself a letter to myself to read in the future. Just a letter to myself saying what I would wish for my future self at age 22.

Since I didn't think of this idea back then, probably because I busy collecting Pokemon cards and making my Leo book (a book made up of Leonardo DiCaprio magazine clippings) I am only left to wonder what fifth grade Kaleena would have put in that letter. And here are a few things that would probably come up:

Fifth grade Kaleena would want present day Kaleena to...

Be married to Prince Eric from Little Mermaid.

Living in California. (I was obsessed with California back then).

Owning a pet hospital where I was a veterinarian.

I'd be driving this purple Eclipse. My fifth grade dream car.

Being a mom of six kids. Yes, once upon an insane time, I used to want six kids.

Well, fifth grade Kaleena would've been severely disappointed because right now 100% of what she wanted in fifth grade is 100%  close to not happening. In fact, the only thing I still want is to be married to Prince Eric from Little Mermaid.

i can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Me: "I like how the Pokemon, Ekans, is snake spelled backwards."

Steve: "I don't want to brag, but I knew that back in 5th grade."

Me: "So did I... I was just... saying."

Steve: "Uh-huh, I'm sure you did."

Me: "From now on when I sneeze, i'm going to put some Pikas in front of it, like: Pika... pika... (at this point my eyes would be gradually closing) pik...ACHOO!"

Steve: "I'm choosing not to respond to that."

----

Up until this point my life, I thought I wanted to be an Interior Designer. Then, Jack Johnson's, We're Going To Be Friends, shuffled onto my iPod. Does anyone still listen to Jack Johnson? When it came on my imagination perched me on it's back and carried me away. If I was a kindergarten teacher I would be Miss K. I would line the students up and measure their height everyday and keep a chart of how many teeth they've lost and wait patiently for my TEACHER APPRECIATION gifts. I would probably even be guilty of starting classroom rumors to turn the kids against each other, you know, for in-class entertainment.

Now, I can't decide between playing house in other people's houses and getting paid for it or pulling crayons (cray-on not CRAN) out of children's noses.

Aaaaaand crayon nose pulling wins. Only because the idea of helping with arts & crafts and getting the glue on my hands and peeling it off is too enticing. 


Reader, I've been blogging since February and I just discovered the joy of Scheduled posts brings. How did I miss this? I regret to inform you that you'll probably never read a live post again. Actually, that's not true. I apologize, I take that back.