bits of my weekend.

 I told you I would start doing bits of my weekend again. So ha. In your face.

Reader, please be advised that all of the following photos in which you are about to see were taken with an iPhone 4 camera.
Expect some grainy, low quality pictures. Perhaps this segment should now be called "grainy, low quality bits of my weekend"

This clock! I've wanted to make an entire wall of a variety of clocks for a few years now and I found this one and I want to create that wall even more. Everyone was like "ummm, that clock would be kind of hard to read..." 

Those people are nay-sayers and I say nay to nay-sayers. Let's be real... It's not like people are actually going to look at the wall of clocks for the time. It's 2014 and even though I am guilty, most people look at their phones for the time (even if they are wearing a watch).

This is a captured moment of me being bored and trying to get creative with the lighting of the street light and the shadows from a chain link fence. The moon was pretty and I tried to incorporate that into the shot but it looked like a mere smudge. Ugh.

The pretty moon. With the pretty sky. With a single solitary white house.

Palindrome! Happened on my way home and I love number patterns in any form. Even while going 35 MPH, I always need to capture it. 

Pumpkins. My first thought when I saw all those pumpkins was... "Well, Cinderella sure is going to have a hard time finding where she parked..."

And then my second thought was "it's 2AM and no one is around to share a laugh..."

a list because... just because.

Here is a list of mini goals I am making for myself. Mostly for this blog and a few just because I need some goals. And because I used to posts lists here daily and I should bring that back. Should I make a list on why I need to make more lists? Haha no, okay.


My list of goals:

1. Don't be afraid of the dark.
2. Stop calling your friends in the middle of the night because you are scared of the dark and are 100% sure you heard something in the hallway.
3. Grow up. (see #1 and #2)
4. Bring back "bits of my weekend"
5. Take pictures for "bits of my weekend"
6. Go for a walk around the lake once a day. Either morning or night.
7. Don't focus on the past. It's okay to remember the good things from my past and smile and treasure them, but I can't keep dwelling.
8. Use my cameras more.
9. Find that idiot who broke into my car and stole my camera and aux cord and beat him up. Or just get my things back.
10. Stop comparing my life to others. It makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong when I'm not. I like where I'm at right now.
11. Clean out my closet and get rid of the clothes I have sentimental value with. Well, I can only keep a few with the sentimental value... it's not necessarily hoarding. I just like to keep the memory on them.
12. Start my wall of clocks.


That's it for now. 

a song nobody else could hear.

Have you heard this quote?

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

And let me tell you, that song is my favorite song...

only one post to show for a terrible year.

I looked at this and saw I only have one post for 2014. And oddly, I'm okay with that. 2014 has been a shitty year and I've been super occupied elsewhere. And I thought 2013 was my worst year yet...

 But I honestly should have been documenting it anyway. I have a little in my actual journal.

Anyway, I have been encouraging my close friends to keep a journal. I brag at how well I am at documenting my life. I've been keeping a journal since 9th grade. I feel like people get discouraged from keeping a journal because they don't know what they will write about or think they won't commit to it. But I promise you... the thoughts and feelings you have now are going to be ones that you want to remember when you are older. You think they are just dumb thoughts you have in your dumb head on a dumb daily basis... but you aren't going to be this way forever. They are more valuable than you think. I bought a journal for Josh and Brennin and I still need to get one for Spencer. 

Something that is great yet painful about a journal is everything you were at the time of your life is captured onto a page. I was reading my journal from 2008-2009 and I instantly remembered how I felt at that age. I was so passionate and bold about everything I thought and did. I was laughing at some of the things I put but it made me realize

 I'm not that girl anymore.

 I'm not that funny anymore.

I'm not that bold anymore.

I'm not that original anymore.

I don't know the reason for it. Maybe the things we go through in life do have that much effect on you and that's what changed me. But I'm a firm believer that I never fully recovered from that first heartbreak. It makes me think of that quote from the movie, Stand By Me:

"In all our lives, there is a fall from innocence. A time after which, we are never the same"

Heartbreak changed me and I don't think that Kaleena is ever coming back. And that's not so much a bad thing... just a bitter realization. I liked that Kaleena. I feel like I don't know this Kaleena anymore. 

I'll be around more. 

Promise. 

my fingers are rusty.

Right now I'm just sitting in my room. On my bed. With music playing. Bunny drinking his water... which happens to be one of the loudest noises that you would think wouldn't be so noisy. And i'm drinking water out of a mason jar... not because I'm hip and have these chic ideas on how to turn old junk into cute household items but because when you live with five people, sometimes an old jar is the only thing you can find to drink out of. So that's my Saturday.

I worked today. Which is something I'm not going to cry about. Yeah, it's not the ideal way to spend a Saturday but I get paid extra for working on Saturdays. And let's be real... what else would I really be doing.

Right now I'm really loving coconut oil. I put it all over my face and it makes it soft. Unfortunately, coconut oil doesn't give you a new, better face. But it does give you a face that is at least soft.

I just heard a lyric that made my insides shift sudden and low. It said

"when I see you again,
and i'm greeted as a friend,
it is understood,
we did all that we could."

I didn't really have a reason to start this post, but I just felt like my head and heart were very full and I needed an outlet. Before I started typing this I was just looking at my blog. I sat and thought as I stared at "Just Add Kaleena" in rainbow at the top of the page of this blog. The top of my stories and thoughts and feelings, and it suddenly registered to me how many different times I have logged in here and all the things that have happened to me since. The first time, that rainy Saturday when I was laying in (at the time) mine and Steve's bed and decided I should start a blog. Kaleena, why didn't you start this sooner? There have been so many special and precious moments these last six years. But I guess you can never truly know the value of a moment until it is a memory. When I think of this blog, what I see in my head is our (mine and Steve's) old apartment living room in the Avenues lit by the floor lamp that we bought together from Big Lots, me on my laptop - Steve on his. Family Guy/Scrubs/Fraiser on TV. Either super STICKY hot or teeth chattering cold-hiding under layers of blankets, and typing on here. Occasionally Steve and I would glance at each other to share a laugh at what just happened on TV. Some people would look at that and think "you guys just spent time on your computers when you could have been doing so much more" but no. Those times, to both of us, are our most treasured times because Steve and I were so connected that we felt connected and at peace with each other no matter what we were doing. It's one of those things that we could spend the whole day in silence but at the end of the day feel like we've had the best conversation. They were comfortable silences. Not everyone can understand that. It's something I am certain I will never share with anyone else in this life. It is so rare and I'm so grateful I got to experience that feeling with another human, even if it was just for a short time. Our time together was short but it was the best time of my life. But was it cause it was our first love? Or because we were just in sync? I don't know. Other times when I logged in here it was after I just had the worst day, emotions all over the place and needed to put it out into words. And other times was just when I was silly and wanted to be silly on the internet. And now to this time.... me alone, reflecting on my past and realizing that nothing around me is permanent. Everything is temporary except for the love in your heart. I don't know where all this is coming from... there is a good chance that when I read this tomorrow I will just scratch my head. But sometimes the best way to understand how you are feeling is to write it down.

something one-sided but thought i needed anyway.

The feeling of having a delicate flower without a vase to put it in.

Like pouring a bowl of cereal to find out there isn't any milk for it.

I don't have any directions anymore. Everything has turned into that one street we once walked on together. Or the building you once held my hand in. Or the neighborhood you took me to see. I'm trapped inside a nostalgic grid. And I won't ever find my way out.

merry christmas eve.

Have a Merry Christmas Eve and a Merry Christmas when it's tomorrow.

I plan to stay home tonight and watch Home Alone and Futurama.

Drink some Mountain Dew. Snack on some kettle corn.

Last Saturday, as a giant group, we went to Temple Square to see the Christmas lights.
It was okay.
Then we walked around City Creek to warm up a bit and because what else were we gonna do?

But Christmas lights on a bare tree is one my favorite things and one of the prettiest things to me.

It never gets old.

I wish Christmas lights were on trees all year round.

Alysha on the left and me on the right.
If one good thing came out of 2013, it's that I became really good friends with Alysha. I wish everyone could have a friend like her.

Instagram: kaleena__

2013 can go to HELL.

I got laid off from my job on December 3rd. And it was a bunch of bull shit. I was a slave/work horse there for 5 years and they choose to lay me off around the holidays. I don't really care that I lost my job there. I was very unhappy at that job. But I must say, it was truly the cherry on top of the BY FAR the worst year of my life. I know you are supposed to count the things you are thankful for but I don't care. 2013 sucked and here is why...

-I moved out and away from Steve and literally, my entire life changed. Some for the good, some for the bad. I learned that there is no easy way to move away from the one you love. There will always be a special place in my heart for Steve that no one will ever replace. Looking back on that, I needed that change to happen. I have grown and learned so much from that. It's one of those things that when I look back, I think "how did I manage to survive that?"

-Shandey and my nieces moved away to Chicago. And while I get to Facetime them everyday, it still isn't the same as chasing them and playing with them in real life. But alas, that's why they say distance makes the heart grow fonder.

-Lou my bunny almost died. AKA the worst feeling as a pet owner. One morning he wouldn't eat and wouldn't move and he had a "grandpa bunny" look about him and I started to panic. I called the vet and took him immediately. He had a minor case of GI Stasis but the little bastard recovered just fine and I only spent a night crying while he had to say at the vet over night.

-I got in a car wreck that wasn't my fault.

-I lost my job.

It may not sound like a shitty year to you, but I felt every form of heartache, loss, frustration, disappointment, rejection, and pain this year.

HOWEVER. For ever awful thing that happened, a few good things happened to balance the Universe out.

-I reconnected with old friends and made some new close friends.

-I met JOHN DENSMORE of the Doors. So magical.

-Paid off my car.

-Grown and learned many things about myself and the world.

-Met Josh. Josh is my new boyfriend. I shouldn't say met because we went to highschool together, but we went out on a date when I got home from New York and now he is my boyfriend.

So I guess you really do learn from the bad times. Cheers to 2014 being better.

bits of NYC.

Since it was my first time in New York, I wanted to document and capture everything but at the same time, I didn't want to truly miss the moment I was trying to capture because I was distracted by getting a picture. I took close to 100 pictures, but only chose my favorites and most memorable ones.

Cafe Wha? - It's the place that Jimi Hendrix, Lou Reed/Velvet Underground, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, all played/were first discovered. Alysha and I spent a good chuck of Saturday looking for this place. When we finally turned the corner and saw it right there, I was so happy and overwhelmed. I love thinking that I was standing/walking where all those talented musicians was stood and walked. And that's the closest I will get to meeting any of them.

Brooklyn Bridge

 This is me failing at  blending in with the locals by doing the most tourist-y pose in Times Square. It was amazing.

The paper-cartoon-2D version of me and Alysha!! Alysha on the left and me on the right. Alysha and I are really similar when it comes to sense of humor and personalities except that I am very much right-brained and she more left-brained. So we were pretty excited when we realized I was drawn on the right (for right brained) and her on the left (for left brained).

Central Park. One of my favorite things we did/saw. Even though some parts of it was really stinky. Also, we are pretty sure we witnessed an engagement. 

A few of the locals.

The Flat Iron building. It is one of the prettiest buildings I've seen. 

Me and Alysha at some bar in Manhattan. This was a fun night. BUT. You know how some songs are just too sensitive to even listen to because they are linked to so much bittersweet memories that they mostly just make you sad? Well, this bar successfully played almost every single one of those songs for me. WTF bar in Manhattan.

Strawberry Fields. This is the John Lennon memorial in Central Park. Imagine all the people.... standing around admiring it.

Reader! This is the picture of when I finally found LOVE in New York! It was pretty magical so I sat on it.

Sbarro. My favorite New York pizza joint. So I went in and grabbed me a New York slice. If you aren't laughing then it is probably because you don't watch the Office or appreciate Michael Scott.

Radio City. And everyone in New York drives yellow cars! jk

Just a squirrel in Union Square Park snacking on a cookie and looking cuter than I ever will in my lifetime.

The Statue of Liberty. Seriously, I wasn't expecting to be so life like and walking around and can I just say that it was way more interactive than history books portrayed.

The Subway was also one of my favorite things.

The Met (museum). It was really fascinating. 

Times Square.

back from NYC... for now...

I am back. Have been back since Sunday night. And meh. 

I've never hated Utah, ya know? I've always liked it here. 

It's home. 

But after experiencing New York, even for just four days, that's all I needed to know Utah isn't where I belong. 

New York is obviously one of the most popular and amazing cities in the world, but as soon as I got there, I felt like that's where I belonged. 

It kind of felt like I was arriving back home even though I've never been.

I sat in the middle seat on the flight to New York. Alysha asleep to my left (by the window) and the old man in dad jeans who told me to elbow him if he started snoring, asleep on my right. I was listening to my iPod and I looked over out the window and I started to see countless shimmery lights all aligned in a grid. I will never in my life forget the way I felt when I saw the New York lights/skyline from the plane for the first time. I guess it felt like I felt every good emotion in a burst and my skin was holding them back to where my heart felt very full. 

Just walking down any street in New York, there is a lot to take in. I was constantly looking up and the building or observing the faces on the people I passed or looking for places that Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, and Lou Reed might have once been (kidding, but just little). But I feel like I didn't take it all in as much as I wanted because there was so much going on. I don't have any words to explain how I much I enjoyed New York and I guess that's why I'm a shitty writer. But those short four days in New York changed my life and I will go back. And I will live there.

I miss it. 

I missed New York before I even left.

“Why are old lovers able to become friends? Two reasons. They never truly loved each other, or they love each other still.”

this is winslow.

My roommate has the sweetest and goofiest puppy. He's a Basset Hound named Winslow. He can't hop up on the couch to play with the other dogs, so I act as his doggy elevator and lift him up and down as he requests AKA sitting by my feet and looking up on the couch and hopping but getting knocked down because he is too short. Every once and while he lets out a deep howl while wrestling with the other puppies. Ugh, it's the cutest.

He has super floppy ears and I really wish that one day he will start flapping his ears like wings and start flying around the house.

Wishful thinking.

NYC in three days.

Reader, guess what!

Alysha and I are flying to NYC on Wednesday and coming back on Sunday night. Well... at least planning to come back on Sunday. There is a chance I will end up staying if I love it too much.

I'm really excited. Not just because I'll be walking around NYC and hopefully running into Jesse Lacey (because he lives there), but because I love hanging out in airports (for people watching) and seeing the flight attendants doing their hand motions.

Here is a list of everything I want to see/do:

-Cafe Wha? -the cafe where Bob Dylan, Lou Reed/Velvet Underground, Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Springsteen were all discovered and first played.
-Statue of Liberty
-Empire State Building
-Central Park
-Madison Square Garden
-Tom's Diner -the restaurant from Seinfield
-Ride the Subway
-Go ice skating
-The Met
-Grimaldi's Pizza
-Brooklyn Bridge
-Ride in a taxi
-Hail a taxi

That's all I can think of right now. There will be lots more and I will be documenting every step and taking pictures.

it's a special-unique day...

Do you know what today is? Well, today is......

................

11-12-2013

I love cool number dates like this. So tonight, Alysha and I are going to celebrate at 9:10. Celebrating at 9:10 probably means getting excited when the clock turns 9:10 while our other roommates judge us. But what other way can you celebrate this day?

On Sunday, we played broom ball. Have you ever played? Well stop reading this and go play right now! But if you haven't played, before you leave to play and have the time of your life, let me explain how to play. It's basically hockey except you don't wear skates, you just wear tennis shoes and you play on the ice. It was an intimidating concept because I just pictured myself slipping and flailing on the ice and getting the little rubber ball whacked in my face but it felt like we were playing on cement and I left without getting hit or hurt.

You have to master a technique on how to run fast on the ice. Unfortunately, the technique that worked for me was to waddle somewhat low to the ground. Don't give me that look. It got me around pretty quick.

i moved.

I moved again. From Cottonwood Heights to Downtown Salt Lake City. So this is my 4th place in the last 5 years. And I like it so far! 

My room is a dark, plum purple. Kind of looks like a bruise. I don't usually like the color purple, but I like it in this room. My other roommate has a puppy BASSET HOUND. He is adorable and that dog alone is worth the move.

I get a strange concept of home when I move.  All my things are the same, I'm the same, I do the same things, but why doesn't it feel the same? Home for me isn't an actual place anymore. I have a place that I keep all my things but I don't really have a home.