nonsense about nonsense.

Lol at my blogging habits and abilities.  When I first started I was all "I blog at least four times a day but the more it goes on, I'll be lucky if I get one post a month."

But it ends...... now. 

My life is weird and unorganized and confusing and I let that distract me from documenting it when really, all that is a great recipe for something worth documenting. 

Sometimes when I write here I picture me talking/preaching to a group (or however many of you still read this, if anyone even still does) but in reality, I would look more like Tom Hanks from Cast Away yelling to his volleyball Wilson. That seems more fitting.

One day, my buddy asked me why I'm so nice all the time to everyone and I said "well, there have been people in my life who haven't been that nice to me and hated the way it made me feel and I will never forget the feeling when those people were not nice to me. So, I am nice to everyone always because I never want to make someone feel the way I felt when someone was unkind to me."

So if you are reading this and you aren't a nice person you should be a nice person. Because mean people are mean and everyone is in better moods when strangers are nice to them for no reason.

365 days of Lou.

On September 20th, it was officially one year since I got Lou.

He's been making me laugh every day since.

He's also been making me question why I never got a bunny before. 

there are very few feelings........... part 1

That are better than the following:

1. When the lights go down at a concert right before the band goes on stage. This ALWAYS gives me chills and I can never contain myself. Lots of  tiny jumping (basically bouncing my knees) and clapping. It's kind of an unreal experience. People you are continuously listening to and that have changed your life are suddenly just right in front of you. They are real people. Everyone takes something different from a live show, and I feel lucky that I feel more during (and after) a live show than just the sound of the concert.

2. Getting your regrowth filled in. I'm naturally dirty blonde and since I get my hair dyed with the lightest blonde, my natural blonde looks very dark in contrast. So, the second my hair starts growing, it looks like I have a huge black part and it makes me cringe. I love watching my hair lady put on the blonde color over the regrowth and coming out with all blonde hair again. Ahhhh.

3. Remembering you have leftover food from take-out the night before when you are driving home and you are freaking starving and sad because you think you have nothing to eat. Self explanatory.

4. When a 12-pack of Mountain Dew is only $4 at Target.

5. Checking your bank account and there is more money in there than you were anticipating. So let's celebrate by spending it! Jk.

some things just aren't worth the dollar.

You know when you are at work and you are hungry so you go down the street to the Albertsons? And you see this wrap thing that is a pita, peppered turkey, and swiss cheese and it's only a dollar, so you think sure, why not?

Well next time, think surely, hell no!

It wasn't that good. It tasted like the crusty ol dollar I used to buy it. Never again. I even did a dramatic gag/throw up gesture when I was done eating it. That's how much I hated the thing.

Last night, Kylee texted me and asked my favorite quote. She casually asked as if I didn't have 1,000,000,000 ½ to choose from. After I thought about it, I realized it was this one from my literary idol and all around hero, Jim Morrison:

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Followed closely by this one:

“That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.”

Kylee ended up loving these quotes and she sent back this:

He's very wise I see why you like him.

I need to look him up he's growing on me. I need to learn more, I like him, you sold me.

 
I converted a new Jim Morrison fan! Jim Morrison was a literary genius and I do my best to pass his legacy on so as much people know about him as possible. I miss him and I never even knew him.

that's the way uh-huh uh-huh i like it! UH-HUH UH-HUH.

Fall. That's the way I like it.

Anything that comes after August. Again, that's the way I like it, uh-huh uh-huh.

Everything is better when it's not hot and dumb outside.

I hate the heat and I have said many times, I think even on here, that I would rather be hypothermic-freezing-dangerously-close-to-death-cold than miserably hot.

Everything is better in the fall time. The clothes, the weather, the sports, your mom, the goodies, the styles, the activities, everything, etc. Even being inside feels better in the fall.

I haven't been up to much lately. Basically my life consists of:


1. Working.
2. Bunny play-time. Which is also known as the best time.
3. Reading.
4. Music. (listening, discovering, concerts)
5. Writing down thoughts and quotes from reading in my new teal notebook.
6. Driving around. - I made up a new favorite route.
7. Going to the library to pick out some new CDs and books.
8. Facetiming with Shandey while she is in Chicago.

If there is no such thing as time, you're already there, and you're controlling this cycle. Problems of the future can be solved by mankind because you create them. And you have to believe in the future, it's what we have to do. We progress, we always progress - we try to.

Space is expanding; there are spirits coming from the center, right? We're going counterclockwise. There's supposed to be eight other universes going counterclockwise, and that's called Superuniverse, you know? And love's always been the message. It's just - circumstances happen, right? People freak out, just flat flip out, you know?

It's a negative force, coming in on a positive force, because it's a third dimension, right? And for it to solidify or to crystallize, it has to have both elements, right? And you have to keep it in balance, or it will, it will, it will, one of them will destroy the other...

day trip and long car rides.

Alex, Alysha, Jamie, Brennin, and I all took a day trip to Wendover on Sunday. Mostly because we didn't have to work on Monday because of Labor Day and had nothing else to do. Alex and Brennin played Black Jack while Alysha, Jamie, and I wandered to get drinks and check everything out.

The drive there and back was the best part, it's about a two hour drive, so four hours total. We goofed off and argued about the Eagles. We also, had a fun time picking out what our name would be if we ever started a band.

We stopped at the Nevada liquor store on the way home because they have cheaper stuff there and LOOK WHAT I FOUND! And Alysha is such a good friend that she bought it for me cause she knew I had been looking everywhere for it.

 

Speaking of Alysha, she got stung by a bee last week and her leg was swelling up. Look at the difference.

She's healed since though, so no reason to panic.

long train rides when you have nothing else to do.

Sometimes when your friend Kylee comes over and you have nothing else to do and you both feel restless, you decide to ride the FrontRunner train from one to the other to pass the time and to people watch.

And it turns out to be really fun and entertaining.

 Kylee pondering the scenery. 

We got off the train in Ogden and didn't know what to do once we go there so we just got on the bus. We really enjoyed the old lady who knew every possible news story and was sharing them with the people of the bus trying to start a debate. She was using phrases like, "if that were my child, I would be dead or in jail right now. STRAIGHT UP." - said the 60 year old lady.

When we decided to head back to Salt Lake, we had to wait 76 minutes. So we sat at the station and listened to music and talked about certain theories we had on people we knew.

My view from the window seat.

I thought this sign was funny in Ogden. 

BINOCULARS - TO THE RIGHT

(no idea what it really means)

always looking up.

I love the sky.

I feel like 95% of my day is looking up at the sky... either at the moon, the sun, the sunset or sunrise, the stars, the clouds, the birds, airplanes, and some days even RAINBOWS. Or if you are that really sensitive guy from Youtube DOUBLE/TRIPLE rainbows. I wonder if he ever found out what it means. The other 5% of my day is either filled with me being excited with what I saw or sad for what I didn't see in the sky.

I love it because you never see the same sunset or sunrise twice. And I love looking at the moon and wondering how many other people in the world are looking at it. I never look at the sun for that long or else I see those white spots when I look anywhere else.

Tuesday was a wonderful cloudy and stormy day and after eating fish tacos with Kylee (YUM) I went for a drive and saw this:

I love rainbows.

The mountains are pretty too.

I pulled my car over to take this picture...

And other people were out on the street adoring the rainbow.

I feel tickled when I see others enjoying the little things.

three in one.

You know my head is especially noisy today when I post THREE times on here. My head feels like a TV today... it feels like there are many channels playing at once up there. Some are more clearer and louder than others and some are still fuzzy and I'm trying to see what's beyond the fuzz. My head is flipping through the channels and I'm just trying to see what it all means or is trying to say.

Utah.

I really love Utah. It's such a pretty place with so much variety. We have the (tiny) city, the mountains, the lakes, the desert, the suburban areas, the rural areas. I've never hated Utah.. besides the lame rules of everything basically being closed on Sunday or closing early. But lately, I feel like I have outgrown Utah. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Is this just normal for a 24 year old? Or do I really not belong here anymore? I picture myself living somewhere like Seattle or New York. I've always adored San Fransisco but I can't see myself living there. And since right now I eat things like Ramen and Mac & Cheese, living in those cities are both very unrealistic but I feel a pull towards those cities and I want to make it a reality.

I want to live in an apartment where I can walk downstairs, step out and I'll immediately  be apart of the people of the city. Or where I can walk to anywhere I need to be. I don't really have much here in Utah so I won't be leaving anything behind and I would love a fresh start.

So that's my new goal. Work hard and save up to move to either Seattle or New York.

Anywhere but here.

fear.

totes favsies movie quoties.

Here are some of my favorite movie quotes that I think about all the time, mostly when I'm going for a drive or just when I need to remember some perspective.

"Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that. "

-From Little Miss Sunshine


"Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias"

-From Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place. "

-From Garden State

another friday night and i ain't got nobody...

Just a song title and I changed a word but still. It fits.

I've never liked Fridays. The only thing Fridays have to offer for me is it's a night I can stay up late guilt free and think of all the things I've been wanting to do but never do them... like:

-rearrange my room.
-have an all night partywow movie marathon. literally all night.
-start painting again.
-make friendship bracelets.

But I usually will end up walking around my quiet apartment feeling restless. Sometimes Friday nights are hard for me if I'm alone. I have too much time to think and contemplate. I don't care being alone, most days I prefer the solitude... but I think of how I used to spend my Friday nights and how different my life has changed since then and I just sit and think "how did I get here? Seriously, WTF"

Reality be like...

"LOL Kaleena. I will take away everything you love and make you deal with it while everyone else seems to have their life together and make you wonder what you are doing wrong"

Expectations be like...

"Good things will happen to you and you will know what you want and feel and you will figure things out."

All I know is... I'm going to Smiths after work. Buying a big-ass steak. Seasoning it with lemon pepper, chopped onions, garlic, and pepper. Grilling it to medium-rare and then eating it.

basically, i suck.

WOO! My first post as a 24 year old. YEAAAHH!! WELL ALRIGHT!

Aaaand it feels the exact same as it did when I was 23... and 22... and 21... and OMG, have I had this thing for that long? Well allow me to shout "wowzers bowzers!" at that news because it sure hasn't seemed like that long.

I have some serious regret going on right now that I haven't been writing more on here during these last few months. These have been some crucial months for me where I have grown and learned so much about myself and life. Everything I once thought I knew, isn't. And everything I once felt, can't. And everything I once thought I wanted, won't. Did that make sense?

OH! Two nights ago, my friend Kylee told me I had really good word choice to explain feelings and how things are or feel. And that made me feel great because for some reason that is a huge compliment for me.

Some events of my life these last few months:

-Had a birthday that ended with me turning 24. Wat.
-Met JOHN DENSMORE of the DOORS. I was talking to and  standing by someone Jim Morrison once did and it was amazing. I love the Doors. Best band ever and that's just a fact.
-Bunny was checked into the vet to be hospitalized because he was sick. :( it was some sad and scary times but he recovered and is back to being sassy and cute.
-Became addicted to VINE. I basically open that app and LOL forever. And luckily, my roommate/friend is addicted to it too so when I find a really funny one, I run into her room and show her and LOL together. But It also makes me feel highly uncreative.
-Learning how hard it is to be responsible and making enough money to make ends meet. Sheesh, money is stressful sometimes. Ugh.

I will be here more now to explain more about how I've grown and the lessons I've learned. I need these hard times because without them you can't learn anything or grow. You don't learn anything from happiness and peace. At least I don't anyway.

remember!

if it smells like shit everywhere you go,
look under your own shoe.

1. the gun is always loaded.
2. the plate is always hot.
3. the car in front of you will always stop unexpectedly

if you are constantly comparing your life to the lives of others, you will never be happy.